One of my readers suggested I write a post about the man in the red suit. In the United States, the vast majority of preschoolers believe in Santa Claus, although most kids stop believing by mid-elementary school. As young children, my older brother and I were among that group.
On Christmas morning, we each came downstairs to find a big, unwrapped gift under the tree that was from Santa, as well as a few smaller, wrapped gifts from our parents. On Easter, the Easter Bunny hid a basket for each of us to find. And when we lost teeth, the Tooth Fairy left a few quarters under our pillows.
I distinctly remember the day when my brother told me the truth about Santa, when I was about eight years old. We were driving in the car, and I remember exactly where we were. “Does that mean the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy aren’t real either?” I asked. His response made me cry.
Mr. Handsome grew up being told that the Wise Men came on camels and left gifts under the tree. On Christmas Eve, his dad stomped around on their roof. “The camels are here!” his mom would say. “You have to go to bed, or they won’t bring presents.”
Having come from two different backgrounds, Mr. Handsome and I are faced with a big decision: What will we tell our children? Little Buddy was still too young to understand who brought his gifts this Christmas, but we’ve decided not to do Santa Claus or the Wise Men. Before I explain why, I want to start by saying that I have absolutely nothing against parents who hold to either tradition.
For me, the biggest reason is that I don’t want to risk confusing my kids. And while I don’t necessarily think that I trusted my parents any less when I found out the truth about Santa, but it’s more about my perspective as a mom. Even with a young toddler, I always strive to keep my word. I try not to make promises to Little Buddy that I can’t keep.
I do want Christmas to be a magical time for our children, and I plan on starting some fun Christmas traditions for our family, perhaps as soon as next year. Do you have any suggestions? I would also love to hear your thoughts on Santa Claus.
Kelly H
Ellie our family has a couple of traditions that you might like. A dear friend suggested that I buy a new pair of jammies for Christmas and let the kids open them on Christmas Eve. They looked so cute in their jammies(of course we opened them in plenty of time for me to wash and dry them). Every Christmas Eve, after the kids put on their new pajamas, each one of us reads a Christmas story book that we pick out off our bookshelf. Then, my husband would read from the Bible the story of the birth of Jesus. We would pray after my hubby finished reading the story. Our family would put out carrots, cookies, and milk for Santa and then our kids were off to bed. My kids are now 22 and 24 and they still want to do this every Christmas Eve.
Ellie
Love those ideas, Kelly! Sounds like your kids cherish their Christmas traditions.
J
And now we have Elf on the Shelf. Yet another silly make believe to have to keep up with. I believed in Santa for a while as did my children but the second one of them questioned it the truth was told. Never tried to convince them otherwise. No one had any trust issues from it but it’s so much easier when the truth comes to light so for those that begin with the truth I believe there is no fun lost. There is a Christian version if the elf that is fun too. A fav tradition is choosing a God honoring ornament each year to add to the tree. We also read a Chapter from Luke 2 each night beginning the 1st of December. As the kids get older, donating to toy drives are a fun thing.
Ellie
Those are great ideas. I love the idea of hiding something for them to find every morning, so maybe a more personalized version of Elf on the Shelf.
Sarah
Check out “Star from Afar”. It’s like elf on a shelf but instead of the elf, you hide the star each day for the kids to look for and when they find it, they put the wise men by the star (obviously, this limits hiding spaces a bit!). The wise men and also a whole wooden manger scene come with the set. On Christmas morning, the star is over the manger. Our littles really enjoyed it this year and our bigs really enjoyed taking turns hiding it for them each night.
Ellie
That sounds like a great idea. I will look in it. Thanks, Sarah!
Anonymous
It’s not about your perspective as a mom. It’s not about you. It’s about letting your child have a time of awe and wonder in his life that he’ll never have again. He’s going to be even more confused than you think he’ll be if you tell him Santa isn’t real and then he sees Santa all over the place and hears other kids say he’s real. We let our kids believe and then when they got older, simply explained that Santa was the symbol of love and giving. You didn’t have to believe in Santa, but he would always believe in you. Nothing wrong with that. Nobody felt betrayed because a parent “didn’t keep their word.” That’s a deep concept for a 2 yr. old who’d much rather squeal with delight over the thought of Santa coming.
Emily
I tend to agree, actually. I remember all of the fun that surrounded Santa Claus and awaiting his arrival every year! The first house I lived in didn’t have a chimney, so my Aunt bought me a Santa Key, and I was absolutely in awe about how Santa fit the key in the door and still got to come in my house and leave my toys. With that being said, my Dad told me the truth about Santa when I was 9 or 10. I was maybe a tad bummed, but I wasn’t upset or confused. In fact, I was grateful (and I still am) that my parents allowed me to have a magical childhood moment every Christmas. I look back now, as an adult, with fond memories of the tradition. I don’t look down upon, or shame parents that choose a different way of celebrating Christmas with their kids, but I do feel a tad sad for the kids who will never know what it’s like to look under the tree on Christmas morning, thinking “Oh my gosh, Santa came just for me!”
Anonymous
What happened to children thinking baby Jesus came just for me? Santa won’t save anyone but Jesus will.
Anonymous
I agree. I wouldn’t have traded those years of eagerly waiting for Santa with excitement. When I found out the truth, I thought it was pretty smart of me to have figured it out, and that my parents must love me a whole lot because they went to all that trouble to buy and hide presents, then pretend about Santa for me. Besides, who hasn’t experienced a little bit of magic at Christmas? A gift shows up unexpectedly…something is left at your door by surprise…a silent wish gets fulfilled… Who can truly say Santa isn’t real? What he stands for is very real.
Eleonore
Dear Emily,
I did not have Santa as a kid and I have to say that Christmas was 100% magical and beautiful and wonderful even without a guy in a red suit coming down the chimney. My parents simply explained that he wasn’t real but that some kids did believe in him so I shouldn’t tell them that he was fake. And neither myself nor my sister ever told any other kid (phew). You can definitely make Christmas just as great without Santa Claus, and presents from family members and friends are really special too and can give out the same feeling of “this is just for me!!”.
You definitely do not have to feel sad for kids who didn’t have Santa 🙂
Best wishes
Anonymous
It is her kid I find it interesting that you know more about what her kid needs than she does. I don’t mean to be offensive I am just saying that her kid has her genes.
Gabrielle
My favorite Christmas tradition and a super fun one is packing Shoe-boxes for kids! I grew up not believing in Santa Claus! Happy New Year 🙂
Ellie
Packing shoe boxes is a great idea, Gabrielle.
Jennifer
Happy New Year! May your family be blessed. My family always did Santa, but my good friend was similar to what you are explaining ( if I understand correctly 🙂 ). She and her family celebrated with church, a cake for the birth of Christ. Each received 3 gifts ( just like the 3 wise men ). They got to choose 1 thing they wanted, 1 thing they needed, and 1 thing they could share with sibling or family. 😊 They knew the gifts were from their parents. Of course- each child had a budget. As they got older- they would often combine their budget ( For ex: The year they wanted a basketball goal). I think however you choose to celebrate and the traditions you create will always be special to your family. Happy Holidays!
Ellie
Happy New Year, Jennifer! I love the idea of a gift they can share with someone else. That’s a great way to teach them the spirit of giving.
Katie
How do you plan to handle situations where cousins/friends practice the tradition of Santa?
Ellie
Hi Katie.
That’s a great question. We plan to just tell our kids that Santa is a fun tradition that some people celebrate. I grew up going to public school with kids who believed in Santa and kids who didn’t. It was never an issue. Everyone just seemed to listen to whatever their parents told them. Those who believed (like me) weren’t bothered by kids who didn’t believe in Santa. I think it’s more of an issue when older kids start telling their younger siblings that Santa isn’t real because you see that sibling as wiser, so he or she must be right. But when it’s a child your age, or even an older child from another family, you just assume they don’t know what they’re talking about. LOL. That was my experience.
Ellie
Emily
I wonder the same thing. I would feel so guilty if my kid was the kid that went around school telling the other kids “there’s no such thing as Santa, my mom and dad told me so.”
Anonymous
It’s really not an issue as long as you tell your kids not to tell their friends that Santa isn’t real. I had many friends growing up that believed in Santa and they all figured it out on their own.
OhioMama
My husband and I grew up with Santa Clause so we are just going to keep that going. We keep the smaller gifts or clothes from Santa and their stocking from Santa. Their bigger gifts are from mom and dad. Once it’s time for them to know the truth I will figure that out when it gets closer.
Anonymous
Hi Ellie, I love your take on Santa!
I’m sure you’ll face a lot of negative reactions, but I know it’ll be worth it for your little guy to be able to know that his mom always tells him the truth.
Anonymous
Kids don’t need to know the truth about everything in life at age 2 or 3 or 4. There’s plenty a parent doesn’t explain, for good reason.
Netta
Christmas traditions are maybe a bit different in Finland than in the US. We celebrate on Christmas Eve and if you do Santa that’s when he comes for a visit and brings gifts to kids and adults. It is also quite common to go to church earlier that day. In many families the kids are told that Santa is for real and that he lives in Lapland in northern Finland. There’s even a tourist attraction, Santa’s village in the town of Rovaniemi. So a lot of Finnish kids believe in Santa, even when they realize that the Santa that visit on Christmas is someone dressed up. “The real Santa still lives in Lapland”. Anyway, we do Santa a bit different. We usually have a Santa that brings the gifts, but it’s more of a fun thing. Our kids have know from a young age that Santa isn’t for real and that the gifts come from mom and dad/ relatives. It has still not taken away the excitement, but our kids have never had unrealistic wishes for Christmas. My husband’s sister have chosen to make their kids believe in Santa so we have had the cousin “problem”, which has never really been a problem. The Santa’s brought the gifts, our kids have known he’s a fake and that the gifts are from real people while the cousins have believed differently. It has never been an issue. I and my husband have sometimes not liked the way especially my husbands brother-in-law have convinced his kids that Santa is real, but we have kept quiet. This Christmas was a bit different of course because of the corona, but we did get together for an outdoor event (there were 13 of us and the situation is not alarming in our corner of the world). Our youngest is also the youngest of all the cousins, she’s seven, and this year she wanted to dress up as Mrs Santa Claus and bring the gifts so that’s how we did it. We also only brought part of the presents, the bigger stuff were put under our Christmas tree for the kids to find when we came back home. This year we couldn’t go to church as we usually do, because of restrictions, but we watched a nativity play made by our congregation on YouTube and we also did a “nativity-walk”-thing that I contributed to. We had built four stations to illustrate Luke chapter 2, it was quite fun and the response has been positive. Anyway, that’s pretty much our take on Santa/Christmas.
Anne
I think we’re going to take it year by year. My daughter is 2, she could point out Santa but I didn’t think she realized Santa is supposed to bring her gifts until 2 days before Christmas, she was asking about it. I just told her that she leaves Santa a cookie and Santa will leave her a gift. She wanted to leave him a tiger!
I’ll probably keep mentioning when it comes up that St Nick was a real person. We started a coloring Jesse Tree this year. I’d like to do that again, she was a little young for it this year.
This was just how it worked out this year (COVID and all) but I would like to continue this some way…we celebrated Christmas just our family all day Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day we took cookies to two friends and the police station then briefly saw family to exchange gifts.
One thing I’m going to try not to do, however, is use Santa or Elf as a behavior manipulator. As much as I can help it Santa will never be associated with how “good” or “bad” you were throughout the year at our house.
Marni
I personally never was told that Santa brought my presents. I was glad that my parents didn’t lie to me and I felt like I didn’t miss anything about that tradition. In fact I kind of liked (being an only child) knowing that I knew something that the adults knew. We had a German background so we opened presents after church on Christmas Eve. In Germany, kids are told the Christchild brought them gifts. In Europe St. Nicholas Day is on Dec. 6th and my mom did usually get me some choc for that day (a St. Nicholas figure out milk choc). For our kids we chose to be truthful and we talk about the main reason of Christmas, the birth of Jesus and what it represents. I still give the kids choc on St. Nicholas Day and we have a book that talks about how he was a good man who lived in what is now the present Turkey and how “Santa” came to be. My youngest is now 10 so we still read it together this year. A lovely tradition we just started (wish we had had it earlier) is called the Giving Manger. The kids have a book with a story and a little manger and “straw”. When they do kind deeds for others, they get to put a piece of straw in the manger. When it’s full you add the figure of the Baby Jesus.
Lee
I like the idea of having a couple of small items coming from Santa, but everything else is from mom/dad and other relatives. If I’m buying some quality gifts, I want credit LOL. But the main reason I think I want to do “modified” Santa is that I know my kids will grow up in a more privileged environment. I don’t want them to think that they’re just worthy of more gifts from Santa, compared to lots of other kids in this country who may receive nothing.
I know I may be overthinking it, but kids do notice these things. If a magical being is bringing gifts, why do so many kids get much more than others?
Ann
I think I might do what a lot of other readers have mentioned, Santa brings one gift, and everything is from family. If Santa is only bringing a small gift, I think there’s less stake in it for the kids.
I don’t have any issue with Christmas movies with Santa. I love a lot of the classic ones with the North Pole and elves, etc. And if my kids are watching other movies that are clearly fiction, I don’t think there’s issue with Santa in the mix.
Biffers94
We never did Santa because my parents did not lie to us. We are continuing that with our children.
Proverbs 6:16-17
16 These six [things] doth the LORD hate: yea, seven [are] an abomination unto him:
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
Proverbs 12:22 Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.
Lying is not only displeasing to God, but it is something that I am trying to teach my children that it is wrong to do. So why would I turn around and do something that I am teaching them is wrong? We must lead by example 🙂 We always knew who are presents really came from and it does not take away from the magic of Christmas time. We tell our children that as the wisemen gave gifts to Jesus, so we give gifts to each other. One thing that I found this year that I want to do this next Christmas with my sons is called Shepherd on the Search. It’s a book that you read to them and every day you hide the shepherd for the children to find. On Christmas Day when they find the shepherd they take it to the manger to see Baby Jesus. 🙂
Anonymous
We choose not to do Santa with our kids. My husband grew up believing in Santa. When he found out he wasn’t real, he started questioning everything that he had been told. It caused him not to trust adults especially since his parents got divorced shortly afterwards. I know some people consider it fun but being truthful with our kids was more important to us.
We always have a birthday cake for Jesus and sing happy birthday to Him on Christmas Day. When they were younger, I loved reading One Wintry Night by Ruth Bell Graham to them.
Sasha
We don’t do Santa Claus either. We’ve also told our children that Santa is fun game people like to play at Christmas. I taught school for several years and had families who couldn’t afford to give their children a lot of Christmas gifts. It was hard when “Santa” brought some kids in the class expensive new video game systems and other kids got mittens or other necessities for Christmas. Some of those young kids really felt like they weren’t as good as their classmates who had received more. The whole moralism of Santa/elf on the shelf bothers me too. I want my kids to behave for other reasons than getting presents. We always have a good time at Christmas and it doesn’t take much for your traditions to be special. Be ready, though–your children will probably spoil the fun for others. We have found that other adults ask if the kids are excited for Santa all December long. We could gloss over the question when I only had one young child, but my younger daughter is much more aware. I took the kids to the dentist a week before Christmas and they were asked by the receptionist if they were excited for Santa to come. My two year old loudly announced that Santa would not come because he’s not real. There weren’t other kids around because of covid protocols, but we’ve had a few instances like that. It’s a balance but our friends who do Santa have been gracious, and we do talk about St. Nicholas and how we can be like the idea of Santa when we give gifts and surprises to others.
Sarah
We’ve never done “Santa” with our kids. For many, many reasons, the first and foremost of which is that we want Jesus and the amazing Truth of God become man and the gift that is to be not only the central focus, but enough. We don’t want Jesus PLUS, because Jesus needs no plus! There are so many memorable, fun, and hugely meaningful traditions to do with your kids to help focus them on Jesus. They need absolutely no encouragement to focus on the gifts. That’s our natural tendency already! Some traditions we love are our Scripture cards that are a mix of prophecy and also the accounts of Jesus’ birth from the gospels. There are about 18 cards and we pass them out on Christmas Eve – as well as other family gatherings – and each take a turn reading the cards in order. Best done by candlelight and Christmas lights! We love to also host a Christmas Worship Night, friends getting together to play instruments and sing to worship songs celebrating the birth of the Savior. We just started this a couple of years ago, but it might be my favorite now. Hand out bells to the little ones so they can feel they’re participating as well. Also, when decorating the tree, we talk about the significance of certain ornaments – little reminders of the grace we’ve been shown in so many ways. I could go on and on…. 🙂
Iris
Happy New Year!!
I love your thinking on this issue, Ellie. I think if you want your kid to trust you, you need to be intentional about telling him/her the truth. And that’s also important when your child is older and you demand him/her to tell you the truth: you’re demanding exactly the same you showed. The most effective way of leading is by example and healthy relationships are based on honesty.
And don’t worry about removing Santa altogether from your child’s life: you tell fairy tales to your kid, so it’s the same thing. A cute story for your kid to read but he/she knows it’s just fantasy.
Kay
Exactly! Why do people not understand that? My parents told us the truth from the beginning but it didn’t mean that Santa was not a part of our Christmases. We had Santa figurines and read books about Santa and sang songs about Santa and visited Santa. We just didn’t believe he gave us our gifts for real. It was just a story.
But we also always knew that the real reason for Christmas was Jesus’ birth. Santa was just a fun character on the side.
Anonymous
Hi Ellie,
Happy New Year to you and your family!
My husband and I both grew up with the traditions surrounding Santa Claus. With our children (who are toddlers), we have been teaching them about the the true reason for the season. We did explain to them that Santa Claus is not real, but a person who is dressed up, just like they enjoy dressing up. We explained to them who the real Saint Nicholas was. Even though there are young, they understand that Christmas in Jesus’ birthday and actually enjoy bringing joy to the faces of others during this season. We have started the tradition of baking Jesus a birthday cake and singing to Him on Christmas. Traditionally, we pack shoe boxes for children who are less fortunate. We also took some extra goodies to some of our senior friends this season. The kids enjoy making crafts for their friends. We also pack ziplock bags with travel sized items and snacks for those who are homeless. We keep them in our car and hand them out while we are driving around.
Anonymous
We did Santa with our kids growing up. We never tied it to their behavior. On Christmas Eve we went to the 4:00 mass, which was the Children’s Mass. Some kids sang in the choir, and others dressed up and acted out the nativity. All the children were invited up onto the altar to hear the priest’s sermon. At the very end of the mass all the lights were turned off, and Santa very quietly walked down the center aisle and placed the baby Jesus in the manger. It brought a tear to my eye every year.
Iris
I don’t agree with mixing Santa and Jesus in this way. I get it means the biggest gift you receive is Jesus, but still, when your kids find out Santa isn’t real, they’ll think Jesus isn’t, either, because the two of them belong together in their minds.
Anon
I agree with you Iris. Something seems a little “off” when you see Santa and the baby Jesus together. I think the world has made that excuse to mix them together so that they can enjoy the best of both. But ya I’m with you on this one. I think it’s a disappointment to God myself.
Sarah
We also have chosen not to have the Santa tradition in our home. Our oldest is 8 and we have talked a lot about the real person Santa is based on (St. Nicholas) and we have our kids be “Santa” to a family each year that otherwise wouldn’t get gifts. They LOVE to shop for kids similar to their ages and imagine them opening the gifts they chose. Otherwise we focus on the gift of Jesus and showering each other with gifts we have chosen for each other. One really fun tradition we have started with kids is 24 books of Christmas. I wrap 24 Christmas books and they take turns opening one each day leading up to Christmas. I usually buy 1-2 new ones each year and the rest are library books. Happy New Year!
Anonymous
If I ever have kids, I will NOT be doing Santa, the Easter Bunny, or tooth fairy, because I do not want to lie to them. My parents did not want to do any of that stuff with me, but my grandparents really wanted to, so they gave in. I was so angry when I found out the truth, not because of the fact that Santa isn’t real, but because they had lied to me.
Anonymous
Yes if they’ll believe that they’ll believe this create a fantasy mind set where your heart meets your parents love, attention, blessing….some kids figure out truth but keep on acting because it is a place to “be” in their parents (ha, ha their parents are dweebs)
Anonymous
Those are not the important things that you don’t lie to your children about. There are other issues in life far more important than harmless imaginary characters.
Anonymous
I agree, 11:52. I cannot imagine that believing in Santa when kids are little will lead to trust issues later in life. We did Santa with our kids. When they figured out that he was not real, that was the end of it, as it was when my brother and I found out he was not real many years earlier. We continued on with the rest of our holiday traditions and added new ones too. I never felt that I was lied to, and neither did my kids. We love to look back on those times and remember what fun we had leaving cookies out for Santa on Christmas Eve, reading stories about him and how he loved children, and trying to stay awake to hear his sleigh on the roof. (We never could.)
My kids are adults now and laugh about how they were so excited for Santa.
Anonymous
Exactly! People are making such a big deal about this. Your kid won’t trust you if you “lie” about Santa? It’s laughable!
Anonymous
While that may not have been the case for you it has been for many others. I know many people that were angry at their parents about it. My dad was depressed for a little while after he found out Santa was not real.
Anonymous
I find it interesting that many would not tell children about Santa but would tell them about someone called God. Couldn’t an unseen entity like that be just as much of a possible imaginary character? After all, many cultures don’t believe in the Judeo-Christian concept of God and certainly wouldn’t tell children about it. Could your children someday think that you were telling them a “lie” if you tell them about God or any god? How is having your children believe in God (a god) any different from letting them believe in something like Santa? Belief is belief.
Ellie
That’s a great question, but I think it requires more than a blog comment to answer. Maybe someone else can chime in, but I’ll simply share this: The Judeo-Christian God is the only god who desires to have a 2-way relationship with His people. The Bible tells us that God wants to have a relationship with us. He calls us His friends. When someone wants to talk to God, he or she doesn’t have to find a place of worship or perform some sort of ritual or recite certain phrases. You can be absolutely anywhere in the world doing absolutely anything and simply talk to God like you would talk to a friend. And speaking of Christmas, the Christmas story shows us that God loved us enough to send His Son down to us to save us. Jesus had a perfectly wonderful home in heaven, but He chose to leave it and come to Earth as a helpless baby. His few decades on Earth were far from great. He was mocked and ridiculed throughout His life, and then He died in the worst way possible. He was tortured and hung on a cross and bore the sins of the world. But He did it for us. Simply because He loves us.
Anonymous
None of that proves that God is real. It’s what you’ve been told to believe! So we’re right back to telling your child what to believe in, a god or a fairy tale figure or a pop culture character.
Ellie
I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job at answering your comment. That’s my fault. But I promise that if you pray to God with a pure heart and ask Him to show Himself to you, He will. 🙂
Iris
I think the answer is simple: one thing is to make your child believe in someone you believe. That’s not lying, because you believe it. You’re simply showing what you believe to be the truth.
Another is to make your child believe in someone you don’t believe in. That’s lying, because you believe it’s not true.
Anete
for the third year we do this Christmas program https://titus2.com/christmas-program/ (songs change), kids unwrap the nativity parts between readings. it is so much fun for them. and we quote Scripture we have recently memorized. So rich celebration.
Ellie
That’s a great idea! Thanks for sharing, Anete.
Candi
We keep it simple. It’s only about “Jesus” in our house. We don’t believe in Santa anyway and it seems like there’s enough “clutter” in life and then to add to it with all the world traditions at Christmas seems like too much going on. And I like the thought that Ellie and others have said about planting a seed of mistrust that grows out of deceiving our children. Too, it seems like once you start something it gets bigger with time and the generations following usually go more liberal on a idea that the parents thought they’d do a “little bit of it” and it wasn’t that “big of a deal” and before you know it, the children have carried it much further after they’ve grown…and then the children’s children…yes, I know it takes a lot of self denial as parents for our children’s future! But anyway, Happy New Year to all!! And Wishing you all a better year!!
Shell
Absolutely agree with you! Sadly, I was 12 before my Mom told me the truth and I was completely devastated and hurt that my parents would lie to me. I had my peers trying to tell me the truth for at least a couple of years, but in my heart, I truly believed my parents would not lie to me and that the other kids would. I also had other reasons why I believed all that nonsense. I knew I never wanted to confuse or betray my children’s trust. There is so much more I could say but will leave alone. We have many fun traditions and the focus is solely on Jesus and His reason for coming to earth.
Anonymous
I loved Christmas and Santa and tried to replicate my childhood experiences for my children. I realized how rich my parents were and their discipline to live modestly except the big holidays. But now days, with ever increasing technology and information sharing we have the means to get a larger perspective on our traditions. I think there is a lot of good information available and in general it defuses the Christmas bomb. We were all bombed with love and money, fantasy and fun for years! Was it a God thing?
Getting in touch with truth is what happened to you and what happens in online sharing. The Bible says we are to keep sober, to
get out the leaven and be in truth. We need to accept truth and the right spirit. And God does have a Spirit. Santa is spin, a tale that incorporates the supernatural, immoratal, devine and God like qualities. Is this spin an acceptable way to portray Christmas? Some people are religiously against it and Christmas too! Is “spin” ok how far can we bend the truth? And why? What’s wrong with the truth? Just the truth? What is truth?
AmyRyb
We do Santa, though I know my youngest is getting near the end. My personal opinion is that the Christmas magic and wonder only lasts so long anyway, so why not let it be a thing for a bit? If you use it properly and don’t overplay it, from my experience there’s no feeling of betrayal (more on that below). We downplay it a lot these days – only one or two gifts from Santa, and not the big ones – but it’s still fun to see the excitement in my youngest’s eyes on Christmas Eve! When I think back on being a kid, it was exciting to think that Santa came and brought me a gift. It was fun and made you feel like anything was possible! That feeling only lasts so long in life, so we’ve let it go. My oldest had no issue finding out the truth, and I think even appreciated the fun we let him have with it. Kids grow up too fast these days as it is!
I think when you talk to your children about it, it’s important to let them know that some people do use it as a special part of their Christmas traditions, so they should not ruin that for others. If people believe, let them. Years ago I read this lovely blog post that helped me frame how I wanted to handle the “transition” with my kids, and I think this language is really good in general for how we as Christians can talk about Santa and how to help our kids understand his role in our homes and for others. I encourage you to read it! (And if the link doesn’t come through, Google “Drops of Awesome” “Magic Makers”…you should find it that way.) http://dropsofawesome.com/magic-makers-a-coming-of-age-story/
Ellie
Thank you for sharing that article, Amy. 🙂
Ellie
LizzyB
Personally I think it is bad to tell children about Santa because 1. It promotes the idea you have to earn a gift. But gifts aren’t earned. Salvation is a free gift and I never want to confuse what a gift and payment is.
2. We tell children Santa is real and later, that he isn’t. Yet, us Christians expect our children to believe us about Jesus when we tell them.
My parents did nothing like this and Christmas was and still is my favorite time of year.
We always make gingerbread houses no matter how messy and how much candy, our parents let US decorate. We did a nativity play every year. We made ornaments and cookies. We sometimes made gifts!
One of the best things I think, was our parents made it more about giving than getting. We never made lists of what we wanted. Just thought of others ♥️
Karen
Ellie,
Here is an idea. Jesus received 3 gifts on His B’Day so since we celebrate His B’Day each child receives 3 gifts. The first gift is something they may want. The 2nd gift is something they need
and the 3rd gift is something to read or use which will enrich them.
I am sure they will be getting many other gifts from other family member.
Ellie
That’s a great idea, Karen. Thank you!
Ann
Jesus was born in August not December people. They just decided to celebrate his birth on Dec 25th
Jennie
We did the Santa tradition with our son when he was young. I clearly remember when he was in first grade, we were in the car and he piped up from the back seat, “Mom, is Santa real like Jesus?” I have to confess that if he had just said, “Is Santa real?” I might have come up with a response to encourage his belief. But I was horrified that he made the comparison. He knew Christmas was a celebration of Jesus birth, so at that point I needed to be very clear that Santa was made up and just a fun story for children. To be honest, he accepted it well and after I got over my surprise, I was thankful for the truth! We continued to enjoy the idea of Santa but only for fun as a myth or legend … unlike our celebration of the very real meaning of the season Jesus!!!
Anonymous
I have written and rewritten this multiple times as I do not want to offend anyone. However, I do have a legitimate question. Please forgive me if it sounds accusatory or mean-spirited as that is not at all the spirit in which it is asked. I often see families, particularly Christian families, struggle with what to do about Santa Clause. Many families who don’t do Santa say it is because they want to keep the focus on Jesus, they don’t want to lie to their children or both. However, many of the ways we celebrate the birth of Jesus, including the time of year in which we celebrate are either lies or borrowed from other non-Christian traditions. For example, religious scholars and historians know the census or the reason Mary and Joseph were on their way to Bethlehem would not have taken place in December. It would have occurred in the spring around the same time we celebrate Easter. However, there was a large Pagan holiday celebrated in the middle of December – the Winter Solstices. Therefore, it was decided we would celebrate Christmas at this time as a way to reduce the influence of the Pagan holiday. Still, many of our Christmas traditions come from the Pagan holiday, including the Christmas tree, decorating with live greenery, etc. How do these facts play into your holiday celebrations? Do you acknowledge them and share information about them as children get older or do you just ignore them? (Ellie, the “you” is not just specific to you, Mr. Handsome and Little Buddy. I would love to hear what others think and how they deal with this.) I ask because while I don’t yet have children, I do struggle with how to explain why we celebrate Jesus birth on what should be a random day in December. Thanks for any insight.
Ellie
That’s a great question. I’m glad you asked. I actually just listened to a podcast about this very think. I would say that most Christian families are fully aware that historians don’t know for sure what day Jesus was actually born. There are a number of possible reasons why December 25th was chosen, but no one knows for sure. I grew up being taught that Christmas is a day we set aside to celebrate Christ’s birth but that we should praise and honor him every day of the year.
Anne
I think this is an excellent point! One thing we’ve found is that points like this can be incorporated into other conversations that happen throughout the year. For example you can mention any of your points during a conversation about holidays or Jesus’ birth in general. It doesn’t have to be a “conversation” that happens on Christmas Eve when your kid is 12 years old. Anything that’s important to you that you want to convey your kids, repeat it as much as possible in different contexts throughout their life.
My kids are still young, but I did mention a couple times that Dec 25 is kind of an arbitrary day that we picked to recognize and celebrate Jesus’ birth.
Anonymous
Ellie and Anne, thank you both so much for taking time to reply. I appreciate it.
Anonymous
I loved reading this post, Ellie! I’m still trying to decide what to do with my babies in the way of Santa. I just might steal your husband’s tradition of the 3 wise men.
Andrea
We have chosen not to do Santa either for our 2 either. We never want them to question our word and if we didn’t tell the truth about Santa what else have we not told the truth about. With that being said our kids know about Santa (you can’t avoid the big man) and the true story behind St. Nicholas. We have made sure to tell ours to be respectful of other family’s traditions and not to ruin it for the kids that do believe in Santa and the families that do Santa. So far I don’t think they’ve ruined it for other kids. I don’t initiate a conversation about Santa with other kids but if a child does come up to me and talks about Santa or what Santa brought/hopes he’ll bring I play along and ask the right questions. I never want to be “that family” that ruins it for another family.
Miranda
Hello Ellie! My siblings and I never believed in Santa, we always knew that our presents came from our parents, and that they had worked hard to buy them. It didn’t make Christmas boring one bit, instead, we were shown how much our parents loved us, as money was tight. A fun tradition we enjoyed was opening presents Christmas eve and stockings Christmas morning.
Barb
I think one of the best traditions parents can begin with their children is the pure joy of giving to others. Each year my daughter and her husband let each of their sons choose a “giving activity.” This year, one of my grandsons chose taking food and toys to pet shelters. My other grandson chose taking fun Christmas treats to a food bank. They save a portion of their allowance and earn money for this activity so it actually comes from them. Santa Claus and/or receiving special gifts is such fun at Christmas. But absolutely nothing fills your heart like giving, and there are always places to give.
Ellie
That’s a wonderful idea, Barb!
Michelle
Christmas is a great celebration for us. We didn’t do “Santa” but we did celebrate Christmas in very special ways. On Christmas Eve we had set the dining table very pretty and for dessert we had a Happy Birthday Jesus cake (cornbread for us). We then read the Christmas Story. We also shared the gifts the LORD had blessed us with throughout the year (His protection, His strength…). Then each child opened up a gift that was waiting for them under the tree.
After the individual gifts were opened, we then had a scavenger hunt for the “family gift” (a gift everyone would enjoy together). We had clues set around the house (inside and out) based on a theme. All four of our adult children have great memories of each year with this (as our two oldest daughters were in their high school years it became elaborate as they put together the themes for their two younger siblings. They could write a book about what they did).
On Christmas day they opened their stockings. The stockings represented their walk with the LORD. The items were devotionals/music cd’s/audio dramas… These gifts were to encourage their walk with the LORD throughout the New Year. We all have such great memories and are so thankful to the LORD His incredible blessings.
Ellie
Such great ideas, especially the stocking theme!
Mom of three
I’m, late for this discussion, but I love that it was presented. My children are 27, 26, and 17. My husband and I always focused on celebrating Jesus’ birth at Christmas even though we learned many years ago that He was most likely born in the spring. I was uncomfortable about lying to them and getting them confused about what’s real and what’s not. We clearly stated when stories were make believe, such as Santa. Frankly, I think Santa gets too much attention and Jesus, our Savior, gets too little. My children appreciated that we didn’t deceive them and they didn’t spoil it for other children when the subject came up. In fact, they were amused to see that some of their friends believed in Santa into the middle school years (ages11-14 for those outside the U.S.)! We read Luke 2 on Christmas morning, pray, open presents one by one, then eat. This has been our tradition since our oldest was 3, I think.
Beth
We I was little we got to open 1 present on Christmas eve. They we went to bed . We got up on Christmas and went downstairs to see wait Santa brought us for christmas and wait my parents got us.
Jacquie - australia
Hi Ellie 🙂 Christmas will always be magical as it’s celebrating the birth of Jesus, when we stay focused on that truth then we can’t help but be in awe. We have 7, going on 8 children and our christmases have gotten simpler but more meaningful over the years. We tell them the true story of st Nicholas, and focus on being generous rather than expecting magical Santa gifts. We’ve always just been honest in explaining Santa is the cartoon made up version of a real man who loved and honoured Jesus and gave to others!
Anonymous
The Bible says guard your heart because out of it proceed the issues of life. Jesus said return to your first love. It seems we were brought up to be really in love with the celebrations of Christmas.
It seems that Jesus gives the solution for our hearts, if interiorly we realize that are not right.
Anonymous
I don’t ever remember believing in Santa Clause. When my older sister found out that my parents had lied to her about the whole thing she felt so betrayed and offended that she told all her siblings the truth (to save them from the same fate I suppose, lol, I was 3). I decided to tell my son that Santa is make believe. We have lots of fun using our imaginations and playing make believe at other times. It’s really easy and fun to apply our imaginations in that way too. And then he plays along whenever anyone else talks to him about Santa. To each their own but this has been great for us.
Jess
No Santa at our house, the magic of Christmas is not in a character that encourages commercialism, when my kids understand better they will be taught about St. Nicholas and the joy of giving. Santa is not the center of Christmas, Jesus is
Kari
I didn’t want to do Santa, but my little girl goes to preschool and she happily came home to tell me all about St. Nicholas (as she calls him) and asked we send a letter to him. So, I followed her lead. However, we didn’t put out any gifts under the tree until Christmas Eve after she was asleep (at 3yrs old the temptation of a wrapped gift is just too much for her). Now she thinks all the gifts under the tree were from Santa. I’ve tried to tell her otherwise, but in her mind Santa brought it all. Sigh.
We also follow the Wandering Wisemen on Facebook that is like Elf on the Shelf but follows the the journey of the wise men to Epiphany. I draw the line at Elf on the Shelf, I am not doing that. Her class had an elf this year and I made it very clear if there is an elf at school there does not need to be an elf at home.
It.is.so.hard to keep the commercialization out of celebrating Christmas.
Anonymous
Ephesians 5:6-14
Jorah
I respect any decisions you thoughtfully make with your children. I’m happy to tell you my experience with my oldest child who is now 22 years old. We decided we would not really acknowledge Santa Clause at all. We chose to focus only on the birth of Jesus for Christmas. One evening our son wrote a letter to Santa saying he didn’t know what he’d done wrong to never get a present but that he was going to try real hard to be good. It was unbeknownst to us that he thought this way, we had no idea he had any inner thoughts about Santa. We learned for us it was ok to acknowledge Santa and still teach the importance of celebrating the birth of Jesus. – Best Wishes
Anonymous
Here in the UK we chose to have stockings (full of small inexpensive items) from Father Christmas, which we put on the end of their beds for when they woke up. All other presents were under the tree and from the people on the gift tags.
All 4 are adults now, but whichever child/ren might be here at Christmas still get a stocking…and every Christmas morning we still call out ‘Has he been?!’, and they still reply ‘He’s bee-een!’
We also had an advent calendar which was a book that told the Christmas story day-by-day, with a little character to slot in place each day in a cardboard stable. No chocolate lol
When each of ours was old enough to ask if Father Christmas was *really* real, we asked them what they thought, and all 4 said they had been coming to the conclusion he wasn’t: so no drama, just a kiss, a laugh and cuddle!
We never did the Easter Bunny, but did egg rolling instead. And the Tooth Fairy got fun as I wrote teeny tiny letters for them.
But what matters is that you do what feels comfortable for you x