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The Lost Art of Thank You Notes

January 8, 2021 by 51 Comments

Happy Friday! Hope your first full week of 2021 has been smooth. For a fun discussion, I thought I would throw out the topic of thank you notes.

I’ll admit that I don’t send as many thank you notes as I used to, but I really do try. Knowing how good it makes me feel to receive one, I want to keep that tradition going, and I want to teach it to my children.

Do you still send handwritten thank you notes? Or do you think it’s a lost art?

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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Next Post: Little Buddy’s Bedroom Decorations »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. AvatarGabrielle

    January 8, 2021 at 9:03 am

    Happy Friday ๐Ÿ™‚
    I love writing and getting homemade thank you cards! I’m not so good about getting them out though!! He-he ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  2. AvatarSarah

    January 8, 2021 at 9:25 am

    It’s really sad that people (for the most part!) don’t teach this to their children anymore. It’s also easy to get lazy about…But I will say that a handwritten and mailed thank you note is MUCH more personal and meaningful than a quick typed out note on Facebook! Even email still doesn’t have the same personal touch as a mailed handwritten note.

    Reply
  3. AvatarAnonymous

    January 8, 2021 at 10:03 am

    I think it’s a lost art, but I still write them. How can we teach our children to write thank you notes or letters if we don’t write them ourselves? My daughter has been writing her own thank you notes for years. We’re military so we’ve never lived close to our families, and it seems like she’s always getting something in the mail that she needs to write a thank you note for.

    Reply
  4. AvatarAnonymous

    January 8, 2021 at 12:06 pm

    Oh yes! In our home, we write thank you notes. They often are not very long. Our children are too young to write, so we will have them doodle and decorate a thank you card and then we write a note- if they receive a gift. A thank you note is a small gesture that means a lot. I find that a text message or even an email just doesn’t have that personal touch.

    Reply
  5. AvatarAnonymous

    January 8, 2021 at 1:35 pm

    I still send handwritten thank you cards. Ellie, I still have the nice handwritten thank you card that you and Mr.Handsome sent me a few years ago. Thank you, Hag

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 8, 2021 at 2:08 pm

      Aww, that’s very sweet that you still have it. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
      • AvatarAnonymous

        January 9, 2021 at 1:45 pm

        Oops, I meant to sign, Thank you J. Hag. Md.

        Reply
  6. AvatarLynn W

    January 8, 2021 at 1:38 pm

    I usually only write thank you notes for a group type gift (like something your co-workers got together to get you). I had my children write thank you’s when they were younger but as they got older they stopped. I taught them to always thank the person for a gift. Now that they are older I have encouraged them to call the sender (it’s usually a relative) and personally thank them. I know the grandparents love getting a phone call from them because it gives them an opportunity to ask them about what’s going on in their lives also. It keeps that connection going. And so far so good, my kids are making those phone calls even now with one on his own! And I also make the phone calls if I can’t thank the gifter in person.

    Reply
  7. AvatarShell

    January 8, 2021 at 2:34 pm

    We write thank you notes. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  8. AvatarRegina Shea

    January 8, 2021 at 2:38 pm

    I admit I don’t write thank you notes as much as I should. I usually call and thank the person. That will usually turn into a nice phone visit.โ˜บ
    I would however like to get back into handwritten thank you notes.

    Reply
  9. AvatarSarah

    January 8, 2021 at 6:35 pm

    I used to be very diligent about having my kids do them, but I’ve been more iffy the past few years. That reminds me that we need to do ours from Christmas! I rarely receive written thank you notes, but they’re always very appreciated.

    Reply
  10. AvatarAnne

    January 8, 2021 at 6:50 pm

    I think it is a lost perspective as well. I am always humbled when someone spends their hard earned money or precious time to do something for me, and that realization prompts me to recognize their generosity. If I spend money or time on someone and get a mass produced generic thank you (you can get them online now) it makes me less likely to spend any time or money on that person in the future. It was really important to me that I write thank you notes for every gift I received at my wedding as well as for my baby when I had her -even though those were harder to finish in a timely manner!

    I think the important thing is to recognize a gift or gesture whether that is a text, email or note. Iโ€™ve gotten to where I do not expect a note but it would be great to even get a text that a gift was received (Iโ€™m thinking of two gifts I sent out at Christmas).

    Reply
  11. AvatarMarilyn

    January 8, 2021 at 6:53 pm

    We still send thank you notes. We enjoy sending them and it is a treasure when we receive one. A handwritten note is so much more personal and rewarding than an e-mail or some other form of social media.
    Joan,Marion and Marilyn

    Reply
  12. AvatarJ

    January 8, 2021 at 7:14 pm

    Yes, I send thank you notes and so does my girl. Itโ€™s just tacky not to. We also hand make our own Christmas and Valentines cards. Her friends are always amazed that she does this. Itโ€™s just what sheโ€™s been taught though.

    Reply
  13. AvatarJennifer

    January 8, 2021 at 7:42 pm

    I still hand write thank you cards and have taught this to my 4 boys ( 33, 31, 20, 15) as well. I think it is important to take that little extra step when some one gives you a gift or does something exceptionally kind. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’œ. Also, as a teacher, I hand wrote and emailed thank you cards to each student you gave me a present. I like the personal touch. ๐Ÿ’•

    Reply
  14. AvatarEmily

    January 8, 2021 at 8:01 pm

    I was taught from a young age that thank you notes are proper manners. I used to groan when my mom made me sit down and do them, but as an adult, I understand why she did. It makes me feel good to receive them too- and it is really nice to know the person liked my gift! I still send thank you notes in the mail, and I plan to continue to do so.

    Reply
  15. AvatarMiley

    January 8, 2021 at 9:34 pm

    I still send Thank You notes I think its better then sending and email .I’ve been doing it since I was little. Know if the gift was from my sisters I would just send them a text. But they told me not to sent them a thank you note.

    Reply
  16. AvatarBethany

    January 9, 2021 at 12:57 am

    I still write thank you notes. Bit late this year due to number of issues. I love writing them

    Reply
  17. AvatarS Susan

    January 9, 2021 at 4:06 am

    Hi! Wish you a blessed 2021!
    Dont write very often! Thank you for the reminder!

    What is your opinion and feelings about what is happening in your country now?

    Greetings from S Susan, Sweden

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 9, 2021 at 8:23 am

      Happy 2021, Susan! I am extremely saddened to see such a divide in our country. I’m truly hoping that we can come together as a nation and be united rather than divided. I’m praying that Biden will be a president who seeks to understand the needs of ALL Americans.

      Have a blessed day!
      Ellie

      Reply
      • EllieEllie

        January 10, 2021 at 1:10 pm

        I completely agree with you. Violence of any kind is not the answer. The group that stormed the Capitol last week was very much in the wrong. We have seen groups from both political parties engaging in violent protests over the past year, so I think there is rebuilding needed on both sides. Thankfully, I think the majority of Americans know that violence is not the answer and would never take part in violent protests. But it’s still very sad to see the destruction being caused by those who don’t agree. It’s difficult to see a clear path forward, but even when things in the world aren’t going well, I find such peace in knowing that my Hope is in the Lord. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me.

        Ellie

        Reply
      • AvatarAnonymous

        January 10, 2021 at 11:54 pm

        I am a proud Republican and I am proud of my party for not agreeing with what happened when a tiny amount of our protesters decided to break into the Capital building and for not saying things like, Pelosi saying about the Spring, Summer , Fall rioters when lots of police and others lost their lives, “People will do what they do” and for not saying what Cuomo said, “who said protests should be peaceful” etc. But us Republicans are like our President, people of law and order and we don’t condone the wrong doing of people in our own party because we have standards that we actually stand by. We are God fearing, Country loving, family oriented, prolife, police respecting folks and I am proud to be Republican.

        Reply
      • AvatarS Susan

        January 13, 2021 at 5:59 am

        Yes, let us hope that! From far it is sad and frightening to see a democratic country in such a state!

        Reply
  18. AvatarAnonymous

    January 9, 2021 at 6:05 am

    You honestly probably don’t realize this, but your past three posts have been subtly pointing out how you think you’re better than others. YOU shop local. YOU won’t lie to your children about Santa. YOU still write thank you notes. Just thought I’d put that on your radar.

    Reply
    • AvatarAnonymous

      January 9, 2021 at 4:05 pm

      6:05 am: And YOU should honestly be ashamed of yourself for having a attitude about it and displaying it.

      Reply
    • AvatarAnonymous

      January 9, 2021 at 8:34 pm

      Why donโ€™t you put on your radar that you are not very kind? Making assumptions that someone else thinks they are better than others just because they bring up certain topics is just ridiculous!

      Ellie, bless you for continuing to be kind when people are needlessly critical and rude!

      Reply
    • AvatarIris

      January 10, 2021 at 5:24 pm

      Oh of course Ellie writes about what she does. It’s her blog! And of course she thinks those are the right things to do. Otherwise, Ellie would do them differently!
      I just don’t get why would a reader feel the need to point out that Ellie writes about stuff she thinks she does the right way.

      Reply
    • AvatarAnonymous

      January 11, 2021 at 4:37 pm

      Anon 6:05 Someone sharing what they do or what they believe isn’t being prideful, it’s sharing ideas and thoughts. We aren’t judged on preference, we are judged on principle. I thought it was really thoughtful and helpful when Ellie and then others shared how they sent thank you notes and as a matter of fact it made me realize that I have gotten out of the habit of doing that and so I’m going to start sending them again.

      Reply
  19. AvatarAnonymous

    January 9, 2021 at 8:41 am

    Isn’t Little Buddy’s birthday this week?

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 9, 2021 at 1:15 pm

      Yes, our son is celebrating his 2nd birthday! We can hardly believe how quickly 2 years has flown by. Thank you for remembering. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  20. AvatarMargery

    January 9, 2021 at 3:43 pm

    Sad to say, it is a lost art and has been for a very long time. Actually receiving any kind of thank you from someone to whom you gave a gift when you are not present when it is received is a lost courtesy. I am saddened by how many times a thank you has never been issued. I quit sending gifts to people who repeatedly fail to say thank you a long time ago because I didn’t believe the gift or effort was appreciated.

    I am grateful that our 47 yo daughter still writes thank you notes as we taught her. I remember her spending the Christmas holiday break writing thank you notes to her students for their gifts. When she was young, she wasnโ€™t allowed to use or spend her gift money until she had written a thank you note. We emphasized the effort and expense someone put forth to purchase her the gift and the importance of expressing her gratitude. It is one of many ways to show respect.
    I still write thank you notes. Whether it is handwritten or electronic is not important to me as some people have limitations. It is the effort and thought that is important to me. I appreciate whatever thank you is given.

    Reply
  21. AvatarBeth

    January 9, 2021 at 6:44 pm

    Happy belated 2nd Birthday to Little Buddy?

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 10, 2021 at 1:15 pm

      Thank you, Beth!

      Reply
  22. AvatarJenniferH

    January 10, 2021 at 12:04 pm

    Hi Ellie,
    This post is a reminder that I actually have to write a thank you note to a dear friend for her great generosity to her godchild, my baby.
    I have fallen behind on reading your posts, so I will catch up to a few in this post ๐Ÿ™ƒ
    I try to write thank you cards to relatives when they give my children gifts that they werenโ€™t in town to see them open. Other than that, just bcuz of being busy all the time, I donโ€™t get around to them as often but wish I could.
    Onto the Santa topic; my husband and I both grew up believing in Santa. I obsessed over whether he was real or not bcuz even as a young child I had a hard time believing in him, so it actually took the magic away. We ultimately decided that we are not going to do Santa. We feel It means more that the gifts are from us and we want the focus to be around our Lords birth, not gifts anyways. We do let them watch shows with Santa and with my oldest almost 6, he understands that Santa is only pretend. And quite honestly I donโ€™t even think he knows his purpose lol. Just that heโ€™s a man in a red suit on tv ๐Ÿ˜†
    Last topic to address is how sorry I am to here of the loss of your baby. I have only experienced a miscarriage at about 6 weeks and cannot fully grasp the devastation and emotions of what you are going through. You are a warrior. My miscarriage after my second boy devastated me and put me into a depression. I still hate thinking back to it. Time is the only healer and memory the enemy. I pray you will have another baby safe and healthy soon. ๐Ÿ’”
    Regards
    Jenny

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 10, 2021 at 1:14 pm

      Hi Jenny,

      It’s good to hear from you! Thank you for your condolences and kind words. I’m grateful to have you as a reader. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Ellie

      Reply
  23. AvatarEileen

    January 10, 2021 at 3:46 pm

    Hi Ellie,
    I love this topic! I am a big fan of thankyou notes and really enjoy sending them out as a simple gesture of gratitude. I always hope the sent card gives the recipient a lift from acknowledgement of their act. I send thank you cards for other acts besides gift giving. Even for people who think they are “just doing their job”.
    It is about kindness, courtesy, and thinking of someone else.
    I think this personal touch is really important more than ever in an electronic world and one where so many of us are quite isolated.
    I do love the commenters who talk here about phoning people for gifts they have received and teaching their children to do as well.
    Happy Birthday to your sweet boy. May God continue to bless him and you and Mr H.

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 10, 2021 at 8:21 pm

      Thank you, Eileen! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  24. AvatarIris

    January 10, 2021 at 5:32 pm

    Hi Ellie! Happy belated birthday to your son!
    Sorry but I don’t think anyone had a smooth week. Watching terrorists taking the Capitol wasn’t smooth: it’s the biggest atack to US democracy in a very long time!

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 10, 2021 at 8:21 pm

      Thank you, Iris!

      Reply
  25. AvatarPaula

    January 10, 2021 at 7:53 pm

    My Mom always had us write thank you notes growing up. I still make and write thank you notes and have taught my kids to do the same. Everyone loves getting something in their mailbox! And it helps the gift giver to know that yes, you received the gift and appreciate it.
    I love your 3 blogs and have been following all of them since you began! Congratulations on your success…
    Blessings

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 10, 2021 at 8:22 pm

      Thank you for being a loyal, long-time reader, Paula! So blessed to have you. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
      • AvatarPaula

        January 17, 2021 at 8:36 pm

        Thank you so much Ellie! Your blogs are wonderful! I watch Counting On and The Bates and really appreciate your blogs posts and know that you are accurate and respectful. And I enjoy your family blog as well….
        Thank you for your dedication.
        I love that you read your comments and you responded to mine!
        God Bless your family

        Reply
  26. AvatarTiffany

    January 10, 2021 at 9:27 pm

    We send thank you cards sometimes , but not as much as we should . Other times we call the person of text them . Sometimes we also take videos of Pictures of the kids opening their gift and share that via text or email .

    Reply
  27. AvatarMom of three

    January 10, 2021 at 10:29 pm

    As a public school speech therapist, I keep a box of thank you notes in my room to give to those who leave gifts. It takes a bit of time to pick out gifts and sending a thank you card just acknowledges your appreciation that someone was thinking about you.

    Reply
  28. AvatarElizabeth

    January 11, 2021 at 8:01 am

    I like thank you notes, and do still do them. That being said when attending large church showers – especially for babies, I make a point of telling the mom a thank you card isnโ€™t necessary for us. As a mom of little kids and a people please, I remember the stress I felt trying to write so many notes in a timely manner. Most moms look back with grateful eyes having one less obligatory note to pen in the early sleepless days.

    Reply
  29. AvatarDolly

    January 11, 2021 at 9:46 am

    How did this go down the rabbit hole of politics?
    Thank you notes: I do write them. When my children were young we had a rule. You may not play with or wear the item til the note was done. It was an understood rule and it got the notes done timely.

    Reply
  30. AvatarStephanie

    January 11, 2021 at 2:40 pm

    I do and so do my children, ages 3 and 5, with my help of course!

    Reply
  31. AvatarKaren

    January 12, 2021 at 10:37 am

    I love writing and receiving them ! As a child when I was old enough I was required (encouraged) to write a thank you note whenever I received a gift (money..etc) and was not allowed to spend the money or wear/use the gift until then. My Mom was not strict but lovingly used this method. Before we could write we would decorate thank you notes my mom would then send out for us. I strongly believe this was one of many ways she instilled the
    gift of gratitude in a world that is give me….give me and of entitlement. I still after decades keep this lesson going and living in my heart

    Reply
  32. AvatarJustine Kessner

    January 13, 2021 at 1:16 am

    I just wanted to say I love U Ellie, I think U are a super cool person, and I am glad U have a blog!!!!! That is were I met U, and I am happy I met U!!!!!! Just wanted to send U a Thank U post!!!!!! I don’t know your address, lol, so I have to post U a thank U post!!!!!!!!!!! I love U 3!!!!!!

    Reply
  33. AvatarLynne

    January 15, 2021 at 7:44 pm

    I just spent the last two weeks writing thank you notes for my aunt because her husband died. He was 92 and beloved in his community. We had a virtual funeral and I thought if we had an in person funeral it would be big. I had no idea how big, there were over 1000 views and only 4,000 people live in the town. I have written over 400 already and hundreds left to do. It is a lot of work but I am grateful for all the people who cared.

    Reply
    • EllieEllie

      January 16, 2021 at 8:37 am

      How kind of you, Lynne! So sorry your were unable to have an in-person funeral, but it sounds like the virtual one was incredibly well attended. Your uncle must have been a wonderful man! How is your aunt doing after the loss?

      Ellie

      Reply

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