Nashville Wife

We recently lost a baby to miscarriage at 6 weeks. Before suffering a pregnancy loss myself, I thought it would be something that a mother could “get over” in a few days. But the hurt is much deeper than that.

It has been almost four weeks, and I am feeling much better than I did the week after it happened, although I still have moments of sadness. Through all the tears, emotions, and doctors visits (I have had nearly 10 blood tests), I’ve felt an overwhelming peace. Through this trial, my faith has grown, as God has showed me some pretty incredible things that I can’t help but share.

1. Even though Mr. Handsome and I are devastated that this baby will not physically be a part of our family here on Earth, we know that he or she is now in heaven with Jesus. Our God is a just God who will grant eternal life to all who seek His face. But he is also a compassionate, loving God who holds a special place in his heart for little children. And because babies and small children are unable to comprehend the message of the Gospel, God covers them with the blood of Jesus and takes them to heaven when they pass away from this earth, whether they died inside the womb or outside. I was so encouraged to find verses in the Bible that indicate this. The book “Safe in the Arms of God” by John MacArthur was incredible blessing. In fact, it was one of the best books I have ever read, on any subject.
2. Life begins at conception. Even at 6 weeks gestation, my baby was a tiny little human that grew (for a very short time) inside me. When the pregnancy ended, there was physical evidence that we had had a living child who had passed away.
3. God will always provide the grace that we need to walk through the trials that we face. Even in my mourning, I have an overwhelming peace that God is with me. He is near to the brokenhearted.
4. As my heart cries, my soul cries, too. The tears I cried in the week following my miscarriage were much deeper than any tears I have ever shed. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it was a feeling I have never felt before. I believe that’s because I’m not just grieving the loss of a baby that I was looking forward to delivering. I’m grieving the earthly death of a tiny human with a precious, eternal soul that was made in the image of God. Even at 6 weeks old, my baby was knit together by the Creator of the universe. The Bible tells us that all people are made in God’s image.
5. My husband is a treasure. The usual post-pregnancy hormones make miscarriage that much more emotional, and it’s not something that men can fully understand. But Mr. Handsome has been there for me every step of the way and has been so sweet and sympathetic.
6. My fears of not being able to have the family that I have always hoped for have diminished. Since getting married, Mr. Handsome and I have both been in agreement that we would love to have four or five children. We still share that desire, but I no longer hold this fear of not being able to reach that goal. If we are unable, I will still be at peace knowing that God’s plan is better than ours. My heart has also been opening up to the idea of adoption. That would likely be a little further down the road for us, but we will see what God has in store.
7. The assurance I have of spending eternity in heaven with Jesus has become even sweeter because there is now someone very special to me who will be there, too. I will hold this child in my heart until I can one day hold him or her in my arms.