I’m approaching seven months postpartum (which means my baby is somehow almost seven months old — where in the world has the time gone?) and have decided that it’s time to be real with y’all about the struggle I’ve had getting my pre-baby body back. I once heard that it takes nine months for your body to make a baby, so you should give your body nine months to bounce back. As much as I hoped that wasn’t true, I am now seeing that it is. And I am also wondering if it might take even longer in my case.
I started exercising after getting the green light from my nurse midwife at six weeks postpartum. I really enjoy the Walk at Home DVDs, which I have mentioned before. Little Buddy and I also love strolling outside when the weather allows. But summer days in Tennessee are almost always sweltering, so it’s nice to have an indoor alternative that is both fun and effective.
To make a long story short, I have a mild diastasis recti, which is very common for women during postpartum recovery. I have invested a lot of time and energy over the past six months into walking and doing ab and core exercises specific to diastasis recti, but the progress has been slow. My abdomen is still distended, and I still look slightly pregnant in some of my clothes. And as much exercising as I’ve been doing, my muscles still get sore quicker than they did pre-pregnancy.
It certainly hasn’t been easy, but I’m determined to press on and keep working at it (with both my walking workouts and moderate ab and core exercises) until I get to the place where I want to be. Can any of you relate? Whether or not it has to do with pregnancy, have you ever struggled with physical fitness?
Candi
Yes!! I have that recti really bad as well. But I’m much worse off than you…I look 6 months pg 😯 yes it’s that bad. I also have done some hard core ab exercises till my muscles started doing that tearing thing when I’d turn over in bed. That’ll wake you up good and proper in the middle of the night! Anyway that was way too painful to endure so I stopped my ab exercises and anyway it didn’t do anything (didn’t show) for my stomach after a full year of doing exercises. A full year of dedicated exercises! 😢. Plenty of tears shed here over it.
Kay
Don’t do any kind of sit-ups or even light crunches, bending over, or carrying heavy things if you want to heal your recti! It sounds opposite, but this is what I have learned from an online German physical therapist, Maike Droste. You need to exercise the other tummy muscles around the recti. You need to pull in your belly muscles as if you are wearing a backwards corset and pulling the strings at the front. At the same time do a kegel. You should do this every time you are bending over, when sitting in the car, when feeding the baby, etc.
Anonymous
I can definitely relate. My baby is just over 9 months, postpartum I had various health issues but figured breast feeding would help me lost weight. It didn’t! However due to health problems I had to reluctantly stop breastfeeding after four months. Since that point I slowly but surely lost weight. Running around after baby, taking her for long walks and generally having less time to snack means I am now skinnier than I was pre-pregnancy. It does take time and your body will never be the same but you’ll get there. Every time I get downhearted about a change caused by pregnancy I look at my baby and I feel grateful.
Lauren
My youngest is now 18 months old and my body is still not back to “pre-baby”. I have finally accepted that this could be my new normal – and that’s ok with me! Bringing life into the world is an amazing experience and I’m proud of what my body did. Yes, I struggled at first because I was always very slim and fit. I’ve found that I just carry weight a little differently now. Don’t be too hard on yourself – your body did something really amazing. It’s ok if it doesn’t go back to “pre-baby”. We aren’t celebrities who can afford plastic surgery. 🙂
Anonymous
(Lauren) That’s what I was going to say – why do you need a “pre-baby body” back? You had a baby. So what if your abdomen never looks the same. So what if you look different now. Is your culture (religious or otherwise) pressuring you to look like you were never pregnant? Hope not. Be glad you’re alive and buy bigger pants. It’s not a race to see who can snap back to pre-pregnancy size the fastest or at all. What if you get pregnant again? At some point, you have to decide what’s more important – having kids, or having flat abs. As long as your doctor isn’t looking at you with one eyebrow raised, why worry? Life’s too short to be beating yourself up with painful workouts to get a flat stomach. For what? I’ll bet Mr. H loves you no matter what your midsection looks like now.
Lauren
Every woman’s body is different–how much weight we put on during pregnancy, how quickly it comes off after, how our muscles respond after pregnancy, etc. What works for one woman might have little effect on another. That said, I gained 50 lbs during pregnancy and that was with exercising moderately and eating healthily. I had a c-section, so I was also concerned about abdominal healing. But the weight came off and my muscle tone returned after my daughter was born. Maybe I was just lucky, maybe it’s bc it was only my first pregnancy, or maybe having been a competitive swimmer growing up gave me the muscle mass and metabolism to snap back faster than some. Anyway, I nursed for 16 months but I think it was the extensive house and yard work that got my body back in shape. Lugging grocery bags and baby up and down stairs, mowing the lawn, pulling the mower up the hill to our backyard, bending and squatting pulling weeds, wielding heavy electric hedge clippers, lugging the vacuum cleaner all over, carrying laundry baskets, etc. I didn’t have any childcare so couldn’t go to a gym, but I got pretty good workouts just taking care of the house and yard (and babykins). Also, really limiting sugar intake helped take off the last bit of pudge/bloating. No sugary liquids in the house (I drink water and a small quantities of whole milk) and no sugary treats in the house. We go out once a week for an ice cream or other treat but not being tempted with sugar at our fingertips at home is a big help.
Ali
Absolutely, gardening can be a fantastic workout for the reasons you mentioned (heck, just mowing the lawn on a slope gives me a good arm and glute workout!)
OhioMama
I never got back to my pre-pregnancy weight after I had my first. My youngest is almost two months and I’m trying to loose weight, given I didn’t gain much this past pregnancy. I just want to loose weight to feel good about myself, but I also have to remember that my body will never be the same like it was before I had children and I’m okay with that because I have two beautiful, amazing, wonderful boys.
Anonymous
Ellie,
I am too old to have children. I gained a lot of weight when I broke my ankle in a fall and ended up in assisted living for 6 weeks after injuring my other leg. Now I am trying to lose weight I never lost from this as spending 10 weeks in a wheel chair really piled the pounds on me. I saw your Leslie Sansone comment on your blog. I started in with them at the beginning of February. The first month I was so out of shape nothing happened. I am now 23 pounds down and still have 27 to go. I can’t remember ever having such a hard time losing weight. My rheumatologist even sent me to a dietician. I did get a diet plan to follow for the rest of my life and I am grateful for the doctors help. Don’t give up.
Anonymous
Maybe try a postpartum girdle? I just looked on Pinterest and that’s what I saw.
Anonymous
Those actually work best if used directly after giving birth, they help hold everything in place while your body readjusts, and can help prevent diastais recti. I don’t know why doctors don’t always recommend them to new mothers, most midwives I know do.
Anonymous
Thanks for clearing that up! You think doctors would recommend that!
Anonymous
I know right! I’m hoping that they will in the future. On the bright side they could still be used after a subsequent birth and still have the same helpful effect.
Becki
Hi Ellie,
I too had similar struggles. Someone once told me it would take a year for my body to get back to normal and that is exactly what it took for my body to “tighten up”. I panicked at 6-8 months and wondered if my body was ever going to recover. But it did (mostly). With my second, it took about 18 months but I lost my weight faster with her. However, I did suffer from postpartum depression with her which was very difficult. I would encourage you to be patient. I commend your diligence with your exercising regiment! I bet the endorphins are beneficial to your wellbeing. But it probably will just take time. Growing, delivering, and breastfeeding a baby is taxing on one’s body. Hang in there!
JenniferH
Yeah, the struggle is real 😞 our little babies are so worth the changes our bodies go through but it is still tough accepting the changes too. I lost my weight after my first- it took the whole 9 months and all I did was walk and watch what I ate. I never did stomach exercises as I was told those aren’t good to do and whether that is true or not I was actually able to lose the weight. Even getting down to pre-pregnancy weight though my clothes just never fit the same. I’m expecting my fourth and although I did lose my baby weight with my three boys I seem to be gaining more than ever before. I’m trying not be so hard on myself once again, but it’s hard. My new motto is as long as we try then that’s all that matters 😊
Anonymous
My youngest is a couple weeks away from being a year old, and while my scale tells me I am back to the weight I was when I got married, my mirror tells me I have a little pooch and love handles that just won’t go away. You’re not alone Ellie! 🙂
Ellyn
I’m 2 months post partum, and while it’s been a shorter amount of time, I definitely look like I did about 4/5 months pregnant. I’m feeling a bit frustrated – but trying to be kind to myself at the same time. I don’t exercise at all because I’ve been too tired taking care of a toddler and new baby. I really do need to step it up though, and just begin! 🙂
Jamie
I had diastasis recti with my three kids. I did the tupler technique developed by Julie Tupler. I didn’t have to do it for very long and it worked well for me. I certainly have a roundness to my tummy, but don’t most women? It really isn’t too bad. But I think the main issue is that the lack of abdominal support affects back support, so people can get back pain. It is really important NOT to do crunches, that just makes it worse (I am sure you know that already since you’ve been reading about it). The exercise that worked well for me was to do an “abdominal kegel” of sorts. I would lay on the floor, press my stomach muscles together, then sit up just slightly as I visualized pulling my bellybutton toward my spine. Told twenty seconds. Release. I do those “abdominal kegels” when I go for walks, when I am sitting in a chair. Bringing my belly button toward my spine, hold for a bit. I have heard good reviews about the MuTu technique (it’s on the likemotherlikedaughter blog).
Katy
I suffer from diastasis recti after three very large babies (I also had three cesareans so that didn’t help!). I recommend the exercises and the belly wraps (make sure you get one that crosses over or that is designed specifically for DR). To be honest there isn’t a lot you can do except accept the fact that your belly gave you your beautiful son and you will always have a little reminder of that. Your body may change again with future children and when you learnt to embrace and accept the body motherhood has given you, you will find peace within your heart and a smile on your face.
Kara
There is no getting your body “back.” There’s only what your body was, where it’s at right now, and what the future holds.
anon
i didnt want my pre-baby body back for nothing!! i looked more like a 12 year old boy lol. after my first one, i had rounded out and looked more like a woman. that was the body i wanted back after the others. however, after my c-section, exercise was different but i still couldnt lose that ‘baby-belly’. my youngest is 23 now so i dont think i ever will
Erica
Hello to all you beautiful mom’s. I am a mother of a baby girl ten months. She is my pride and joy. I have always been in fitness and health. After you have a baby it takes time everyone is different. I say give it a year or even a little longer. Your going through all these hormones still. Stop stressing it can cause you to hold onto weight. Alot of it can be water weight. Drink alot of water eat what you crave in moderation. Dance meditation be happy. I also been taking some bcaa for when I work out and drink some protein powder. Love yourself because we are all beautiful and unique in your own way.
Laura
Hi! I’ve never been pregnant, but after reading your post I would advise you to have a few consultations with a personal trainer that specializes in post partum, so that you can be reassured about what you’re doing and be sure that you’re not doing too much.
Check out Carly Rowena on YouTube. She’s a p.t. and she had a baby around the same time as you, so she’s been talking a lot about fitness after baby.
Laura
Hi Ellie, I thought about my comment yesterday and I think I didn’t express as much compassion as I would have wanted. 🙂 I think you’re brave for putting yourself out there and admitting a weakness.
And to all those saying that you should just accept your body as it is, I think you miss the point. No one her is obsessing about body image, but feeling and looking fit is only a good thing, and it’s just normal for Ellie to want to feel like herself again. Maybe the expression “pre-baby body” isn’t well phrased, but one thing is not body shaming fat (which is right) and accepting the changes, another thing is loosing control and letting go completely.
I think feeling good about yourself is only a good thing: it gives you a positive attitude in every field of life.
The only advice I would deem appropriate is to not stress about timing and check with professionals who specialise precisely in the field you need.
Keep up the good work, Ellie!
Laura
Oh, and how cute are those little feet in the photo! <3
Barb
In our culture, it’s easy to see that an abnormal amount of time and money and worry is spent on having the a great body. It’s sad to see the amount of body-shaming. It seems there are some who need to look more inward than outward.
I am much older and have learned that it’s never good to stress about weight or worry what others think. Age and life experiences will change your body. Work to have a healthy weight; then, be content with who you are and grateful to God for it!
Anonymous
I beg to differ. People should focus on having a healthy body and looking good. Being overweight and out of shape increases your risk of cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. There is nothing beautiful about any of those things, especially when taxpayers’ hard-earned dollars go toward taking care of people who did not take care of themselves. Additionally, even though it’s wrong, people will discriminate based on appearance in many cases, including dating and job hiring. Being in good shape is better for everybody in the long run!
Anonymous
11:40 above – That’s not entirely true about obesity directly increasing risk or directly leading to those diseases. It varies by individual (important point) so you can’t make that sweeping type of statement inferring that EVERY overweight person’s risk is higher, or in that sense, being overweight is worse than being thin. Plenty of thin people get those diseases. Plenty of overweight people never get them. Plenty of taxpayers get them too. As far as discrimination, plenty of thin people have terrible personalities detrimental to dating or getting hired, while plenty of heavier people have great ones. It doesn’t matter how much you “focus on having a healthy body and looking good” if the insides are out of shape. There are just too many stereotypes in your comment for no counterpoint reply.
Barb
I am the OP. I did say that it is important to maintain a HEALTHY WEIGHT. I just think some people go to extremes. I have a sweet friend who is anorexic and it makes me so sad.
anonymous
Princess Kate could become your role model physically. There are many pictures online of her before and after. But do women still wear girdles? If so then looking at pictures is deceiving. One thing I like about Kate is her soft spoken voice and how she looks at Prince William when he is speaking. There are many attributes that women develope and make them beautiful inside as well as out.
anonymous
Is there some kind of a girdle worn during pregnancy that would give external support to the stomach muscles and help them to not split apart?
anonymous
Once through much exercise, when working as staff at a resort hotel and running in my off time, I went from 135 lbs to 104 lbs. Then my life style changed when I returned to school in the fall. When I quickly lost control of my eating and developed an out of control eating disorder. It was a nightmare. I went from food kiosk to food kiosk gorging. Even if my room mates were out, secretly emptied the refrigerator sometimes, having to quickly replace all the food. I never confided in anyone. It was an awful time, being out of control and trying to do school. Then I noticed when I got back up to my normal body weight I regained ‘control’. But I had a pain in my liver area. I’ve pretty much ever since then, had that pain since when I eat. I don’t go to the doctor, I just think I did some kind of damage. Chasing an abnormally thin image can put you into a tailspin if you form an eating disorder. Being in control of your eating (reasonably) is a symptom of good health. Focus on that as well as your physical fitness and the way you look.
Laura
Check out “the liver rescue”, by Medical Medium. It’s not a magic trick, he simply explains how a good functioning liver is essential to our overall health, and which specific foods are good for it. It can’t hurt!
Anonymous
I would see a doctor, you don’t want a liver disease to go uncared for….
Stephanie
I didn’t go back to my pre-baby weight with either of my kids until I stopped nursing. I realized I was still sustaining human life with my body, and my body was holding on to the extra weight it needed to do that. Once I stopped nursing, the extra weight just fell off, my appetite returned to normal, and I could wear my pre-baby clothes again. No extra exercise was needed! Just give it time – it will happen!
Anonymous
Reading these comments make me so happy I’m not ever having children. I get to stay nice and thin!
Anonymous
You can be “nice” and not thin, too. You don’t get a medal at the end of life for being thin. In fact, older people do better with some extra pounds for padding and reserves in case they get sick. A BMI of 27 for someone over 60 is good, according to a Yale University medical study. People that size lived longer than thinner ones.
Anon
But then we get to enjoy so many family activities and get togethers as we grow old…we won’t never be lonely, we get to enjoy watching the grandchildren grow up…get to go to their weddings…our children will be there for us when we get old to watch over and take care of us….so many blessings and a wonderful future to look forward to! I feel sorry that you won’t be able to experience that just because of a body…there’s so much more to life than just a body!!!! The body will return to the dust one day anyway but other things will outlast a body. So much enjoyment could be had in life as you get older if you’ll just grasp that. Reality will hit when you’re sitting in a nursing home all alone by yourself and NO ONE will come to visit you because you’ve chosen to be independent. I really hope you’ll change your mind someday! Blessings….
Anonymous
If that’s your only reason for not having kids then that’s very sad, and I would even say vain. (You may have more important reasons too, so if being able to stay thin is just an added bonus then congrats) I would also like to point out however than many women do have an easy time staying fit even after having children, it really just depends on your genetics. Also breastfeeding greatly reduces your chances of having breast or ovarian cancer, so I would say that alone is a positive trade off to not having the same body that you did prechildren. I would also like to add to commentor 12:33 that my great grandmother who was 5’ 1’’ lived to be 98 and never weighted more than 101 pounds (excluding when she was pregnant), so I really think that has more to do with having good genetics as well.
AmyRyb
Nursing worked wonders for my with my first–I was down to way less than my pre-baby weight within about six months. The funny thing is that I lost it mostly from my butt, hips, and thighs, which had always been bigger areas for me. I actually missed my curves, though, which was a good life lesson 🙂 It all came back once I stopped nursing, but I mostly evened out where I started, weight-wise. With #2, I had to stop nursing at 6 weeks. I mostly lost the weight, but it took longer and my belly was never the same. I probably have a stubborn five pounds that won’t go anywhere six years later! I find as I get older (almost 41) that my body now puts on weight in weird places–my arms and upper torso, in particular. Most of my clothes still fit very similarly (although maybe with a bit more muffin top!) but fitted things I’ve owned for years tend to get tighter in the shoulders/chest/upper back. The best advice I can give is to stay active and find something you can stick with consistently that at least lets you feel healthy even if the scale or mirror doesn’t reflect it. Also, don’t be afraid to buy some new clothes that make you feel good in your new body. Not just bigger, but stuff that camouflages what you don’t like in a good way, emphasizes the good stuff, and makes you feel beautiful. Who knew skinny jeans would change the entire way I looked at my body?! I’ve decided that even though I don’t always like the way my body looks in the mirror, as long as I look nice and presentable in clothes and my weight is relatively consistent, I’m okay with that “new normal” because it could be so much worse. I’ve had many friends and colleagues randomly compliment me on my figure (I work with a lot of women), which is a reminder to me that people see us differently than we see ourselves. No need to be so hard on myself if I look just fine to everyone else. (And yes, I realize if public perception *isn’t* good, we shouldn’t let that cloud our view of ourselves either…it’s a delicate balance.) As long as I’m putting in effort, mentally that helps me, and sometimes some new clothes help me see a side of me I wasn’t sure was still there. Sounds silly, but for me it works! Good luck!
Anonymous
So impressed with your focus on taking good care of yourself! Making unhealthy choices and using pregnancy or babies as the excuse for why can be so damaging. For you, and as an example for your kiddos. Healthy food and body movement are human essentials! We focus so much on this as parents – physical play and development, good food, hydration – we should treat our own selves with such care too.
That said, it took over a year and weaning with both my kiddos to lose the weight. Be very gentle with yourself this first year even though it’s so hard. I held onto weight while nursing, it wasn’t a weight loss tool at all for me.
I have a 2 and a 5 year old now, and am strong, fit, some would say slender. My body is still a little different because it created and fed two small ones, but I weigh a bit less than before the babies, both weights smack in the middle of healthy range! So don’t let anyone tell you being overweight or out of shape is inevitable because of pregnancy. Just that it sometimes takes a while and might look a little different.
I also do yoga at home. Yoga with Adriene is an amazing at-home tool that really supports core and full body strength, only needing a yoga mat and the discipline to get on it. 🙂
Anonymous
Anon 12:24 – I agree with you 100%. Everything you say is spot-on. Pilates is also very good for the core (along with Yoga).
Anonymous
(Also strong recommendation to get a good water bottle. Better for the world, and keeps your water fresher and tastier and more refreshing!)
Adriana K.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am currently 8 mo post partum and wondered if anyone else struggled with losing the baby weight. I have been excersicing and eating healthier, have lost weight but still look 5-6 mo pregnant. After reading your post, I am now strongly considering visiting my doctor about it to learn of any other “hidden” health issues I may have. But I, too, was told by other women that it may just take some time. It’s nice have encouragement from one another when we are not comfortable keeping the baby weight on and are wanting to “get back” to our post partum body without feeling shame for it. I appreciate your post 💕
Jesussaves
Hi Ellie,
It sounds like you are doing an excellent job trying to regain your pre-weight and fitness!
I am 64 now. I was blessed with five children and one in heaven after a miscarriage. I gained a lot of weight with at least two of them. I had to lose over 70 pounds after my first son was born. I joined weight watchers and followed it to a T by Gods grace. That along with the nursing helped me to lose about 8 to 10 pounds a month. It may not have been healthy though. You sound like you were doing it very sensibly. There is nothing wrong with wanting to regain the size you were before. I do not think that your body ever looks the same, at least that was my experience. But the Lord did help me to lose the weight I had gained. So you just keep trying. You are doing a great job! I will be praying for you. It is not unusual to want to get your pre-pregnancy shape back. But it may be a struggle. And you are a wonderful mom!
Tina
Dear Ellie,
Maybe my post is irrelevant but I need your advice and prayer. I have read all your posts in all three of your blogs for years, so I feel you as my friend.
Recently I had my heart broken, from someone I dated for a month and he seemed very enthusiastic about me and expressed it in many ways. But in the end he just disappeared without saying anything and I think he is dating someone else. I am having a really hard time accepting it and going on. Please pray for me.. also, do you have any advice?
Ellie
I am so sorry to hear that, Tina! What a heartbreaking thing. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug.
I am honored that you count me as a friend. A friend of mine had a similar thing happen, and her advice to others has been not to go too deep too fast. Looking back, she said she wishes she had taken things slower so that when the relationship ended, she wouldn’t have been quite so heartbroken. But I know that is so hard to do! I struggled with that while I was dating Mr. Handsome. I had to continually remind myself that there were no guarantees of our relationship ending in marriage and that I needed to just relax and focus on getting to know him better. But something I could have done better with was emotionally protecting myself, in case our relationship had not worked out. One way to do that is to make sure you still spend time with family and girlfriends (without the guy) so that you still have a community of people separate from him. As the relationship progresses, you will naturally spend more and more time together, but that should be a gradual thing. The purpose of dating, in my eyes, is to determine if two people are right for marriage, so I don’t suggest dating unless you see that as a potential, but don’t feel like you have to figure it all out right away.
When you do spend time together with family and close friends, I would ask those people afterwards (when the guy has left) what they think of him. Only do this with people you trust and who share your beliefs. It can really help to hear others’ perspectives.
Next time you meet a guy, I would also encourage you to be cautious if he seems super enthusiastic. My mom always used to say, “If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.” That’s not to say that you don’t want the guy to show that he cares about you. You definitely want that. But there’s a point where enthusiasm about you or the relationship can become too much and maybe indicate that the guy is not genuine. I know that can be so hard to tell though! So that’s why it can be helpful to spend time with people who know you well so they can help you evaluate his motives.
I don’t have all the answers, but I hope this advice is at least a little bit helpful. Dating isn’t always easy, so don’t be hard on yourself. It really sounds like this guy was the problem, NOT you. Just keep trusting God and seeking His wisdom, and He will make your paths straight. I will pray for you! Thank you for being a loyal reader.
Ellie
Tina
Oh Ellie you are so precious. Thank you so much for your advice, it really helped. You are so right. I should be cautious and wait before I can trust anyone not to hurt my feelings. Also, thank God for my family and friends. I am happy your love story with mr H turned out great and now you have such a beautiful family. I will for sure keep reading your blog.
Love, Tina
Ellie
You are very sweet, Tina! Hope you enjoy the rest of your summer. 🙂
Ellie