Hi blog readers! Mr. Handsome heard that I haven’t kept up with my blog this summer (been busy enjoying the weather and making memories with our three kiddos), and he decided to help with posts. I hope this one gives you a good laugh.
From Mr. Handsome:
I must make a public service announcement that you might find concerning, shocking, and possibly even disturbing. The sad truth is that there has been a steady decline in the quality of coffee beans over the past several years. The taste is fine and has not changed significantly, but the concentration of caffeine has dropped dramatically. It seems that they are taking the caffeine out of the beans, and I do not know why. Perhaps it is inflation, government regulation, worker shortage, or climate change. I really can’t say for sure. But I have proof that it is happening. Allow me to explain.
I noticed the issue when we had our first child. It literally happened the exact week that Little Buddy was born, specifically the day I returned to work. The timing could not have been worse. I noticed that even after my morning cup of coffee, I still did not have the energy that I used to. I just chalked it up to a bad batch of coffee beans and bought a new bag. Unfortunately, the new bag was just as bad, and I had to switch from 8 ounces of coffee in the morning to about 12 ounces just to feel awake and ready for the day.
“Must be corporate greed,” I said to myself. “The coffee manufacturers are taking some of the caffeine out of the coffee beans to force us to buy more coffee.”
One morning at breakfast, I noticed Ellie looking tired and asked if she was also noticing the low concentration of caffeine in her coffee. “Yes, Mr. Handsome, I think that must be the problem,” she stated, as she bounced a fussy Little Buddy while holding his pacifier in his mouth.
But this drop in caffeine quality was nothing compared to what happened a few years later. This time, it was perfectly timed with the birth of our second child. I noticed that not only did I need a larger cup of coffee in the morning, but by lunch I needed a second cup just to get through the rest of the day.
“Ellie, do you think the Covid supply chain issues have caused coffee companies to have to thin out their coffee beans?” I asked my wife.
“Yes, dear, I think that is the problem,” replied Ellie, who was feeding Littlest Buddy while Little Buddy did somersaults in the living room.
Earlier this year, we had our third baby, and what do you think happened that very week? The worst drop in caffeine quality of them all. At this point, drinking coffee is basically just drinking flavored water. They must have taken all the caffeine out of coffee beans to fight inflation. The other day, I tried a monster drink for the first time, and even that didn’t provide energy. The poor caffeine quality has spread beyond just coffee and is now affecting the entire caffeinated beverage industry. However, the caffeine shortage has had no effect whatsoever on the energy levels of our children.
If we all band together, perhaps we can can petition the Food and Drug Administration to address this terrible problem. Have any of you noticed a decrease in the effectiveness of caffeine over the past few years?
Absolutely loved this post 😂😂 I completely agree with every point! Keep writing, Mr.Handsome, we love your posts and humor. So glad Ellie was able to get some fun summer memories with the kiddos!
Oh I’m sure just like they haveb reduced the amount of cream in Oreos (both original and Double Stuf has been ) the amount of caffeine has been reduced. This is getting ridiculous!
Yes! I agree! Haha.
Clever but I must would have preferred your testimony
Lighten up, Karen. Humor is a gift from God and makes a Christian walk happier.
What a coincidence. I’m sure it’s not at all related to the lack of sleep caused by newborns…
I didn’t drink coffee until 2020. It’s never given me extra energy…. But it makes me less sensitive to lights and smells. No clue why. I’m strange I guess.
That’s very interesting. So you drink it more for the taste? I do like the taste too.
I actually wasn’t a fan of the flavor. Had to work up to it by making chocolate flavored coffee. But it is how I survived working retail with sensitivities. I now enjoy an iced coffee drink made from goat milk ice cubes, goat milk, and instant coffee powder.
Yes same thing happened to us… it’s a serious epidemic ☕️😴😵💫
All joking aside I had actually quit drinking coffee about 5 months before I got pregnant and it only took two months postpartum to start it right back up again 😆
Hi Jennifer! I have actually been trying to go caffeine free the past week. Hasn’t been as bad as I expected. Did you drink decaf?
No I didn’t; and I quit cod turkey too as I learned not to do. I had a terrible caffeine headache for 3 days lol. I took Motrin finally the third day and it never came back 🤷🏼♀️
Since I started up again I only have a light to medium roast in the morning and it’s all I need really.
I quit cold turkey too and didn’t feel great for a few days. What is your favorite brand of coffee?
We have a keurig. Any light roast is good enough for me! I add a little milk and that’s it. Simple but I do enjoy the taste. When out and about I like a hot mocha and in the summer iced coffees now and then are great! What do you guys drink? 🙂
We use a French press. We usually buy our coffee beans from Costco, usually medium roast. With a little bit of heavy cream for each of us. When we go to a coffee shop, we order either a hot latte or iced latte. It’s very convenient that we like our coffee the same way. Allows us to share a drink when we go out, although with me drinking more decaf now, it’s harder. LOL
Well, you wouldn’t need so much caffeine if you didn’t have so many children.
Good point!
Well I needed a lot of caffeine BEFORE I had children!😆
Good grief! Seriously???!!! I have 16 children and I’ve never, ever touched coffee (or tea or alcohol, for that matter).
Funny…and oh, so true! 😄
I dont drink coffee, do not have little children, but enjoyed Mr H’s writings. Brought a smile to my face.
Agreed!😍
Mr. Handsome, you’re on to something! It’s a conspiracy to get us to buy more and more coffee!
Please keep posting your vignettes and stories whenever Ellie needs a (well-deserved) break from the blog!
Agreed!😍
Mr Handsome has a mind like a pit bull, when he locks onto a thought!
They have 3 children 2 boys and a girl.
I, loved your post Mr. H, and yes I’ll agree it is very much a concern😅
Sometimes I don’t understand Mr. H, wish he would just get to the point. He seems like a good husband and father though.
I think his posts are funny . Tell him thanks ! I do drink coffee . I just love drinking warm drinks , but I do need the caffeine with multiple little ones . But I wonder how I would do if I did decaf??