From Mr. Handsome:
Last week I got in a wreck on a slick road. It was a minor accident but just enough for the insurance company to consider my 13-year-old vehicle to be totaled.
I was a little concerned when I called Ellie because I didn’t know how she would respond to the news. Would she be distraught about the fact that I could have been hurt? Would she break down in tears thinking about the finances?
My mind went to the worst possible scenarios about how the conversation could go. But I could not have been prepared for the trauma that the phone call would cause. As I told Ellie no one was hurt but that the car was totaled, I almost lost my hearing as she squealed “We can finally buy a minivan!”
My mind instantly became flooded with horrifying images: Cheerios scattered across the floor mats, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches rotting between the seats, juice boxes spilling on the upholstery, banana peels decomposing in the seat-back pockets, fold-down TV screens playing the same movies over and over, and soiled diapers everywhere.
“Honey I think I misheard you,” I chuckled. “For a second I thought you said something about a minivan? My hearing must be off after the accident.”
“You heard me correctly.” Ellie explained, joyfully. “I have been thinking how crowded everything is with Little Buddy and the car seat and all his stuff. And since we are planning on growing our family, we will need a car that is big enough for expansion.”
And with that, my worst fears were realized.
How many of you are familiar with the Man Code? It is a list of things that you simply don’t do as a man, such as enjoying the taste of vegetables, paying someone to mow your lawn, listening to Brittany Spears, or watching a Hallmark movie. And if you do find yourself doing one of those things, you certainly don’t admit it to your male friends. Anyways, at the very top of that list is one thing you should never do as a man: Buy a Minivan.
A minivan is simply the worst vehicle on the market. It’s not a hot sports car. It’s not a manly truck. It’s not even a real van! As any good homeschool family school, my family had a real van growing up. And by real van, I mean a 15 passenger. Honestly I would rather just go straight to that rather than buy a vehicle that is too big to be a car but too small to be a real van.
I decided that it was time to take a stand. “Ellie I am sorry, but I need to put my foot down. Under no circumstance will we be buying a minivan.”
So anyways, the next day we were at the auto dealer to buy a minivan. I will tell you all about it in the next blog post, but before that I would like to hear your thoughts on minivans?