As the coronavirus pandemic worsens, hospitals are enacting strict policies to limit visitors, both for patients with coronavirus and those admitted for other reasons. In many hospitals, ladies giving birth are only being allowed one support person for their entire stay. While that is unfortunate, I agree that it’s a wise move and completely understandable.
But I was utterly shocked to read that a growing number of hospitals are telling pregnant women that they must labor alone and are not even permitted to have their spouse present. Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely absurd?
Not only does a laboring mom need the emotional support of her spouse or another trusted relative or friend, but I also see it as a health risk. While the nursing staff at my hospital was beyond amazing, they were unable to be in the room the entire time I was in labor. And that is understandable.
I just can’t fathom why any institution would think that it is in the mother’s best interest to force her to labor alone. What if she has a panic attack? Or passes out?
I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that things would not have gone nearly as well if my husband had not been in the room during my delivery. He was my rock. Before my labor became intense, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law visited with us in the hospital room to keep my mind off the situation.
And the following morning, right before it was time to push, they came in for a quick moment to offer encouragement. (Or at least I think they did…I wasn’t exactly in my right mind at that point, but I know they were at least in the waiting room. I guess that only further illustrates my point that a laboring mom is not stable enough to be left alone.)
I understand that it is possible that an emergency situation will arise during a future birth that will prevent Mr. Handsome from being there, but in that case, I would have a trusted female friend or relative on call to take his place. But being denied even that? I can’t imagine….
Perhaps the support person could be instructed not to hold the baby, or even to stand six feet away from the mom during the birth. But at least that would allow the laboring mom to have someone she trusts in the room.
What are your thoughts?
UPDATE: Soon after this was published, the New York governor announced that he will enact an executive order to ensure that all women are allowed one support person during labor. Hoping that other states and countries will uphold the same policy.
Federica
I understand that we are in the middle of a global health crisis, and I also understand hospitals good not having too many people around unless necessary, but to me, a woman’s support person during labor (one person) is a necessity. My husband was standing next to me and holding my hand the whole time. I could not imagine being there without him, I would have found it very emotionally taxing.
Anonymous
When Baby Boomers were born, and certainly long before that, there was no such thing as a father or other visitor in the labor or delivery room. It worked – women did it! Fathers sat together in the waiting room, paced, smoked, and commiserated until the nurse came out to give them the news.
I think hospitals are making VERY wise decisions. You cannot chance getting medical personnel sick. You cannot waste PPE on family members. You don’t know where those family members have been or who they had contact with. Remember, it can take 2 weeks from exposure to symptoms, if there are any. What exactly is the ultimate goal of delivery? To have a healthy baby and mother. Not to record it for Instagram or to see how many family members can witness it at once.
Laboring mothers are simply going to have to relax and get through this the way their grandmothers (who didn’t have Facetime) and generations before did. Desperate times / desperate measures. No woman is going to labor completely alone or pass out without anyone knowing. L&D staff will be there when needed. Phones still work too.
Anonymous
Lets just acknowledge that while not having the father in the delivery room may have “worked” in the past, it was not even a remotely good practice. Fathers should take great part in the delivery of the child they helped to create. Yes, we should not risk the lives of health professionals, but, if the parents live together, there is very little risk of exposing the nurses and doctors to different germs than the ones the mother has brought in. Also, just because women all over the world and in the past have done it, doesn’t make it no big deal. That said, I understand why hospitals would ban visitors from attending or visiting after birth. Lives are more important than comfort, but do NOT try to diminish the great difficulty delivering alone.
Ann
I agree with Anonymous March 28,2020 at 1:59pm.
I think pregnant women should give birth why their husbands sit in the waiting room.
My husband stay in the waiting room why I gave birth to are babybgirl. That was last year.
Hospitals are smart. Do you want your baby getting sick with the virus and dying.
That’s what happen in my state a infant got the virus and died.
WA mama
Yes I completely agree with you.. with all my four babies I had back labor so my husband was there to push on my lower back to relieve the pressure, none of the nurses ever offered to do that for me- so I can’t even imagine what it would have been like if he wasn’t there. And again- the law is that social distance needs to be present with everyone else BUT the people you live with, so yes I can understand their concern, but usually laboring women go with their spouse who they live with anyway and are in close contact with at home.
Donna Gossmeyer
When I had my children in the 60’s husbands were not allowed in the labor room. The babies were kept in the nursery & brought to me only for feeding time. My husband would go to the nursery window & they would bring baby to up to the window. Also I had to stay in hospital for 1 week. How times have changed.
Donna
When I had my children in the 60’s husbands were not allowed in the labor room. The babies were kept in the nursery & brought to me only for feeding time. My husband would go to the nursery window & they would bring baby to up to the window. Also I had to stay in hospital for 1 week. How times have changed.
Anonymous
As harsh as this sounds, it is necessary in some circumstances. Not everything is about the expectant mother and her baby. Women give birth alone all the time in other countries. It is really not that big of a deal. The last thing hospitals need right now is extra people who do not need to be in there. We need to protect our healthcare workers and first responders, so that they can continue to be there for everyone. I live in NJ in a town with a major hospital. Things are getting dire here. There’s a triage tent set up in the hospital parking lot. Healthcare workers and first responders in my town are running out of personal protective equipment. They have had to beg stores and citizens for donations! My mother is a first responder and has been working tirelessly to try to get equipment for her colleagues. There are ventilator shortages. Doctors may have to determine who gets intubated or not. Women in my part of the country are holding off on getting pregnant, because they are so scared of the impacts of COVID-19 on unborn fetuses. Also, they do not want to have to go into doctors’ offices and/or hospitals for prenatal appointments and delivery.
Anonymous
You do realize that thousands of people are dying in the world, right?
They have to take extreme measures not to spread the virus; it is also for your own safety. Your husband might be healthy but many carry the virus without any symptoms.
While having your husband next to you is an emotional necessity I am afraid we are in a pandemic and therefore safety is # 1 priority.
Sabine
I am currently in hospital (in Switzerland, not the US) due to a rare pregnancy complication (called vasa previa). I will be here at least another two weeks and no visitors are allowed. It is very difficult, especially because I already have two toddlers at home. I miss them so badly!
I hope my husband is allowed to be here for the birth at least but things are changing very quickly at the moment. I try to prepare myself emotionally to also be alone for the birth. It is hard and sad but I feel I have to do everything to remain strong and positive for my kids because there is nothing I can do to change the situation.
Wishing all of you who are in a similar situation peace, strength and good health!
Ellie
Oh Sabine, I feel for you! Praying for comfort and peace during this time for you and your family. Stay strong! And keep us updated.
Ellie
Anonymous
I think the baby will be protected by mothers milk. And I think over sterile environments are not necessarily the healthiest. Plus the support person could be dressed, masked, gloved. I guess there is stress about letting germs into a facility. I think if the hospital has a legitimate concern, then more and more people should labor and deliver in their homes. And only the most dire should go under the care of a hospital. I’m just tossing thoughts coming through my mind out there. How can I arrive at knowing all of the concerns, highest priorities and protocols? Little old me, being just an unschooled person responding. I think the cleanest and healthiest support person should get in to aid, but hey maybe there is another option I don’t know about.
Maybe hospitals have a racket going and are putting some new positions in place….labor watchers or labor watch video equipment with a control room watcher dispatching only to the most desperate moms.
Anonymous
How could a baby be protected by mother’s milk? The only people carrying antibodies for this right now are those who have gotten sick, survived, and recovered. Nobody else has any immunity, and there’s no proof that the antibodies to this virus can be passed in breast milk. How could that have been studied in such a short time? You’d have to find enough women who had the virus and are over it and lactating to come to any conclusion. Researchers have enough on their hands right now trying to find any sort of treatment or vaccine! No, the support person cannot use up gowns or masks when health care workers are dying from lack of protective equipment and exposure. There’s no way to tell who the “cleanest healthiest” support person would be. A family member could be actively shedding the virus but not have symptoms yet. Non-medical people aren’t trained in the complicated procedures it takes to avoid contaminating someone else. Home delivery (midwife) services are swamped with calls right now from people who had planned to give birth in hospital. Letting someone like that into your home for a birth poses all sorts of risks to mother and baby, not just from a virus.
There’s really no way around the No Visitors hospital orders. Mothers are going to have to go it alone and endure that for the sake of everyone. Would you want it on your conscience knowing that your spouse or family member made someone else sick, or worse?
Anonymous
Most people would have their spouse as their support person. Since I live with my spouse, he has the same germs that I have. It isn’t any more risky for him to be there than for me to be there. I cannot even imagine having to give birth without him! I know women used to give birth without their spouses, but they also used to be put into a twilight sleep. My mom wasn’t even awake when she gave birth to us. Things are completely different than they used to be! Labor is very long and difficult, and as you stated nurses are only coming by to check on you occasionally. They can’t stay in the room the whole time. It is especially scary when you are having your first child and don’t know what to expect.
Ellie
UPDATE: Soon after this was published, the New York governor announced that he will enact an executive order to ensure that all women are allowed one support person during labor. Hoping that other states and countries will uphold the same policy.
Ellie
Anonymous
I don’t think that’s a wise decision. I think it’s based on emotion, not science. I think it’s going to come back at them in the weeks ahead. I’ll bet every overworked, stressed-out doctor and nurse wearing a 12 hr. old face mask in NYC groaned when that was announced.
Regina
Ellie thank you for the update. I’m glad to hear this.
Candi
So glad to hear this! No, I can’t even imagine doing birth without my husband. I guess I’m not understanding why woman aren’t compassionate to each other on here and only WISH the best for each other. I feel for every each one of you that had to be alone in birth because of circumstances. I’m sorry it had to be like that. But I also wish for anyone going into birth during this time and or whenever that you could have the attention and support from a loving person in your life. That is one of the biggest times in your life that you need it.
Anonymous
Think of what military wives have to do when their husbands are deployed and family is far away. When that time comes, you do what has to be done, even if you’re alone. You might not see your husband for months afterwards. I was a military wife. I lived it. My own husband had to leave a few hours after I delivered and didn’t come home again until endless months later. Most of my delivery day, he had to be with his crew. He was lucky to arrive at the hospital just as I delivered, but then he had to immediately leave again, for good. I had 3 roommates in the maternity ward who all delivered while husbands were deployed. Another military wife I barely knew had to drive me home when I was discharged, then there I was all alone with a newborn (and stitches) for days until family could arrive. I was exhausted, scared, hormonal, sad, lonely, sore, you name it. Delivering in a hospital alone when you know your husband is a phone call away but in isolation is nothing compared to what some women go through.
Ellie
That sounds very rough, and I am very sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for your service to our country. In situations where the husband is away on military duty, though, a woman would likely be encouraged by her medical provider to have a trusted female friend to be with her during labor. And such a friend would provide great comfort. Just can’t fathom being denied even that.
Ellie
Anonymous
I don’t know who they let on bases and into facilities these days, if you give birth in a military hospital and need a support person. If it’s not another person with military clearance already (another military wife), then whoever came with you would probably have to submit credentials in advance and pass the Homeland Security background check in order to be allowed on base and in the hospital. Base hospitals (where you go for prenatal care as well as delivery) have never been known for their open door hospitality and willingness to accommodate all comfort desires of pregnant women…..
Anonymous
Having a trusted female friend is good in theory, but it doesn’t always work that way. Most military wives move every two to three years. Plenty of military wives arrive at a new duty station about ready to give birth, and they might not have time to make that “trusted friend.” Please don’t offer platitudes when you don’t know what you’re talking about since you’ve never been a military wife. I’ve been an Army wife for 11 years now, and this is our fifth duty station so yes I know what I’m talking about.
Anonymous
Wow! I think I can figure out why you don’t have a trusted friend! There is no reason to be unkind! My cousin is a military wife, and she has always had a good group of military wive friends wherever she has been transferred. The way to have a friend is to be one.
Anonymous
1:37: Military life is different for every spouse and every situation. You have no idea about the stress someone can be under. There’s no reason to doubt what 12:42 said, as that is obviously her experience. There are friends, and then there are acquaintances. One doesn’t necessarily take the place of the other, especially when a spouse is gone.
Anonymous
I am truly sorry for your birth experience, military wife. I am sure that was a very hard time for you. I am not from the US, so please correct me if I am wrong but as far as I know these jobs are voluntary and they are payed pretty well. So it was you and your husbands choice to live that kind of life with all its benefits and disadvantages. In the current situation ,however, nobody can influence the new regulations of hospitals.
Anonymous
Most US military jobs are not paid well, only officers’ jobs or after many years of service. At base elementary schools, a lot of the children qualify for free or reduced price lunches, and military families go to area food banks. Yes you volunteer to join the military but you don’t expect that kind of treatment, and you’re sure not warned in advance that if you ever have a family, you won’t be able to make ends meet while you’re putting your life on the line for your country.
Amy
That’s New York. Not other states.
If the baby died who fault is it the father’s for going.
Are hospital were the baby unit is are hospital is for outpatient only. You give birth and your out the next day.
MarriedUK
Ellie- I totally agree with you. Feeling loved and cared for in labour causes elevated production of oxytocin which makes the labour safer and quicker. Having a supportive person there is not just about ‘feeing nice’ or ‘creating memories’ it’s about safety. A woman who is comfortable will have a much lower section rate and is far less likely to require intervention with a ventouse/ forceps (and therefore less likely to need an episiotomy). Birth injuries matter because they can cause life long discomfort to the mother and can inhibit the relationship between mama and baby. Labour is a sui generis experience which only women go through- so of course our male dominated government downgrade essentials like supporting women in labour.
I am a barrister (type of lawyer in the uk) and I am super interested in women’s rights during childbirth. I have been amazed (and shocked) at some of the stories that come out of the states- labour happens to a woman so she chooses how it progresses. Doctors may advise but the woman makes the choice. Period.
NOTE- I’m glad they changed the policy. I’m so glad not to be pregnant right now.
Anonymous
People are dying alone right now. Laboring alone to deliver a new life is nothing to ask, by comparison.
Anon
Have you ever had a baby? I thought I was dying with one of mine…I think it was in comparison.
Anonymous
Don’t diminish what other people are going through just because someone has it worse. Laboring alone is HORRIBLE and not good for the mother. So many studies have shown this. One of my close friends would have died if her husband hadn’t been in the room with her, and her baby most likely would have as well. Separating a woman’s husband during labor makes no sense as they’re already living together so the wife has also been exposed.
Anonymous
I agree that the rule is absolutely absurd. So many studies have been done showing that it isn’t extremely beneficial for a laboring mother to have familiar support with her to reduce stress and the chances of an emrgency. If the father is infected with covid-19, the mother most likely would be as well, so separating them is idiotic.
Anonymous
What studies? By whom? Did they ever do these studies during pandemic conditions?
Anonymous
My phone autocorrected🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ It should say “IS” extremely beneficial. Although I feel like the rest of the post should have given away that that was a typo lol
Kay
I think it’s unbelievable. If a husband has it, the wife probably does too. And vice versa. This is just silly, in my opinion.
Anonymous
But if only the wife is in the hospital, that means fewer virus particles in the room for the hospital staff to deal with. Two people means twice as many viruses in the air. If you’re trying to stay healthy, would you rather be in a room with one sick person or two?
OhioMama
It would be hard for me too have to deliver without my husband there for with both my births he was my advocate/voice. It’s hard for me to speak up and not say sorry afterwards cause I feel like I’m being rude or something but my husband isn’t so he spoke up for me more than I did myself. Plus just having him there put me at ease and I knew I would be safe. Hopefully this all ends soon
Elizabeth
All comes down to lack of personal protective equipment and rationing and asymptomatic spread.
Friend of mine gave birth 4 days ago. Her husband is under quarantine for covid-19. She has no symptoms. He couldn’t go to the hospital so she took her mom and the staff all wore PPE but she didn’t. She could easily have spread the virus all over.. and continues to do so going out to appointments. I agree with the policy of no support person. I’ve also given birth twice naturally but with midwives who stay with you in hospital.
Anonymous
If you had a midwife, then you had a support person. Doctors don’t stay in the room with you nor do nurses! They have a lot of patients to check on and can’t be there most of the time.
Barb
I have to agree with you Ellie. I am so glad my husband was in the room with me. While he wasn’t always as helpful as he could be (he was timing a contraction and reading a book and forgot to do the timing) he was so supportive. Plus, it was good for him to understand what I and the baby went through. Concerning covid-19, the couple has already been together, so why separate them now? I think it’s good to test the father, because, if for some reason he tested positive, then you wouldn’t want to put anyone in danger. If he isn’t ill, he certainly couldn’t be in a waiting room in the hospital where he might encounter someone infected. If he is healthy, what would be the reason to separate the father from his wife and newborn? I wish we didn’t have to have this discussion in our country. Scary times. God bless you and your family, Ellie. Thank you for giving us something else to think about in all your blogs. God bless everyone out there. Stay safe and stay well. ♥️
PS – Ellie, do you have any creative ideas for things we can do during isolation? Other than being a wife and mother, which doesn’t leave you with too much leftover time, how do you spend your personal time. Thanks.
Ellie
Hi Barb,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I always enjoy your comments.
I have enjoyed spending time outside, on the nicer days. I’m not really into gardening, but pulling a few weeks or trimming hedges is a good way for me to accomplish something while enjoying the sunshine. I also enjoy exercising, whether that’s outdoors or inside with a DVD or YouTube video. I’ve done a little bit of baking, and of course I LOVE organizing. I have several friends who are using the time deep clean their houses, which is a wonderful idea. Mr. Handsome and I have been doing house projects–painting, mainly, but also making plans to redo our bathroom. And video chatting with family and friends is a great way to stay connected. Oh, and I have been trying to get through my long to-do list. Haha. What have you been up to?
Ellie
Anonymous
I live in Austria where it is not common (or not even allowed?) to bring more than one person to the labor and delivery room. Or at least I have never heared of anyone bringing anyone else than her partner or mother/sister/friend. It has always surprised me to see how the Duggars/Bates have half of their family there.
A friend of mine has just given birth and thankfully her husband was allowed to be with her during the c-section. Not sure if he was allowed to visit afterwards though.
Allison
Ellie, I have enjoyed reading your blog(s) for years and rarely comment, but I just wanted to appreciate how you always respond with kindness, grace, and concern for commenters; even when they’re not particularly friendly comments!! You are a good example for blog owners everywhere. 🙂
I am pregnant with our second son, due May 10th, and I am terrified of giving birth in the middle of these uncertain times…. I realize women have gone through worse things, and I want all medical professionals to be safe and healthy, but I can’t imagine not having a support person (in this case, my husband!) by my side…. with our first, I was induced and we were in the hospital for eight days. Although I don’t dwell on it, without my husband there, I fear the outcome might not have been what it was….
Anyways, thanks again for your great blogs, calm responses, and any prayers you want to offer for the rest of my pregnancy and delivery, I’d surely welcome! 🙂
Ellie
Hi Allison,
Thank your for your kind words. I’m blessed to have you as a blog reader. Praying for a safe third trimester and delivery for you and your son! These are uncertain times, but God is an ever-present help in trouble. Know that you are in my thoughts as you approach your due date. Hopefully by May 10th, things will be much improved. 🙂
Ellie
Maria
Ellie, I absolutely agree with you. It’s absurd that the husband would not be allowed in the labor room, unless he has the corona himself.
Thank you for standing up against this ridiculous and harmful decision those in power have made.
Anonymous
Last week, a man in Rochester NY hid his symptoms so he could join his wife in the maternity ward of a hospital. He was discovered and had to confess after his wife started showing symptoms shortly after giving birth. So he exposed the staff and others in the hospital by not telling the truth and covering up his symptoms, all for his own selfish gain. Still think it’s not a good idea to ban fathers?
Anonymous
Yes – if he hadn’t been afraid of being banned he wouldn’t have hid it. Just ask all fathers or anyone visiting to wear a mask and be as careful as possible.
Anonymous
You’d have to tell the fathers not to breathe out. If masks and “being careful” saved lives, then exposed medical staff wouldn’t be catching the virus and dying.
TheMrs.S.
Due to some reasons, my husband was not able to be there with me. I delivered my baby at the hospital, got to even cut her cord myself. Nurses were fantastic, I was never left alone during the laboring process, in fact I think there were too many nurses in there, besides the doctor. 🙂