This summer, I shared with you that I had experienced a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I also published a post titled “What I Learned from My Miscarriage.” A couple months later, we found out we were expecting again. As you can imagine, we were absolutely thrilled.
For the first several weeks of my pregnancy, I was understandably nervous. The ultrasound at eight weeks showed a healthy baby with a normal heartbeat, so I relaxed, thinking that I was in the clear. At 10 weeks, I did a blood test to find out the gender. We truly would have been happy with either a boy or a girl, but when the email results showed pink, I started dreaming of bows and dresses.
Just past 11 weeks of pregnancy, I started having symptoms of a possible miscarriage. After a visit to the emergency room, including IV fluids, we received the devastating news that our baby girl had passed away.
Honestly, it has been a very difficult few weeks. I know that the holidays are going to be hard, as we approach what would have been the 20-week mark and the excitement of seeing our baby girl on the anatomy ultrasound. Then there will be the due date of our first miscarried baby, followed by the due date of our second. Both will be painful, emotion-filled reminders of what should have been.
According to the latest medical literature, I have now been labeled as someone suffering from “recurrent pregnancy loss.” We are working closely with my midwife to make a plan, with the goal of preventing future miscarriage. Ultimately, Mr. Handsome and I know that our family size is in God’s hands.
Whether or not our future includes adopted children, more biological children, or both, we rest in the truth that God has it all planned out, and we know that it will be for our good. Through the tears and uncertainty, neither of us has questioned our faith. In fact, the trials of 2020 have deepened our trust in Christ. I truly can’t imagine walking through this valley without the assurance that God is in control and that we will spend eternity in heaven with him, where we will be reunited with our miscarried babies.