This summer, I shared with you that I had experienced a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I also published a post titled “What I Learned from My Miscarriage.” A couple months later, we found out we were expecting again. As you can imagine, we were absolutely thrilled.
For the first several weeks of my pregnancy, I was understandably nervous. The ultrasound at eight weeks showed a healthy baby with a normal heartbeat, so I relaxed, thinking that I was in the clear. At 10 weeks, I did a blood test to find out the gender. We truly would have been happy with either a boy or a girl, but when the email results showed pink, I started dreaming of bows and dresses.
Just past 11 weeks of pregnancy, I started having symptoms of a possible miscarriage. After a visit to the emergency room, including IV fluids, we received the devastating news that our baby girl had passed away.
Honestly, it has been a very difficult few weeks. I know that the holidays are going to be hard, as we approach what would have been the 20-week mark and the excitement of seeing our baby girl on the anatomy ultrasound. Then there will be the due date of our first miscarried baby, followed by the due date of our second. Both will be painful, emotion-filled reminders of what should have been.
According to the latest medical literature, I have now been labeled as someone suffering from “recurrent pregnancy loss.” We are working closely with my midwife to make a plan, with the goal of preventing future miscarriage. Ultimately, Mr. Handsome and I know that our family size is in God’s hands.
Whether or not our future includes adopted children, more biological children, or both, we rest in the truth that God has it all planned out, and we know that it will be for our good. Through the tears and uncertainty, neither of us has questioned our faith. In fact, the trials of 2020 have deepened our trust in Christ. I truly can’t imagine walking through this valley without the assurance that God is in control and that we will spend eternity in heaven with him, where we will be reunited with our miscarried babies.
So sorry for your loss. Love & Hugs, Margie
Thank you, Margie!
You’re working with a midwife? Shouldn’t you be working with a fertility specialist doctor or at least an ob/gyn who’s ready to refer you to a specialist?
LOL, part of the plan includes a fertility specialist, and more if needed.
LOL? All you said was that you are using a midwife. No wonder people are confused, probably picturing what your friends the Duggars do with midwives as the only quasi-medical help.
Ours is a nurse midwife. She is very knowledgeable and experienced and is making some great recommendations and referrals.
Ellie
Hi Ellie,
First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. I said a prayer for you and your family. Hoping you find peace soon. Second, it seems the above commenter(s) could be unaware that nurse midwives usually have masters or doctorate degrees in nursing, are board certified in midwifery and routinely create plans of care for those in your situation.
Thank you so much! I agree that she likely doesn’t understand the level of education that is involved in midwifery. Thank you for mentioning it.
WILL YOU STOP IT “ANONYMOUS”! ( HIGHLY LIKELY IT’S SOMEONE YOU KNOW) EVERY POST…DJEEZ…LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE AND GET A LIFE.
Oh, Ellie. I am so very, very sorry.
Thank you so much!
Hi Ellie! Lots of virtual hugs!
It must be tough, and you’re allowed to feel everything that you feel. Don’t feel guilty if you feel bad. Time will heal the wounds, and it’s good that you find comfort in Christ, each other and your son.
Thank you, Laura. I appreciate that.
I am so sorry. How awful for your. I have had seven miscarriages but also have three gorgeous boys(7, 4 & 2). My family is utterly perfect.
In between my first and second child, I miscarried three times and nonetheless went on to have my wonderful second son.
It’s hard. Give little buddy a lot of snuggles and remember: (1) if you never had another baby, you’re a mother; and (2) if you can have a healthy baby, you can usually have a second.
Xxxxx
Thank you for the encouragement, Married UK. Wow, seven miscarriages. How difficult! Did you ever find a cause, or do you think they were just random?
I just don’t know. I have chosen not to remember due dates/ dates of miscarriage etc. and not to think of the baby as a lost child. I felt awful at the time but this helped me move on. I would struggle to date each of them now. It has also helped to remember that the three children that I do have would not exist if the other pregnancies had worked out. And my existing children are utterly perfect.* I am so sorry for your loss and hope that your arms will soon be filled with a baby.
*I mean macro perfect. Day by day not so much… I left this morning to a scene of utter chaos – my seven year old was complaining loudly about his underwear being uncomfortable (they were meant for the 2 yo…), my four year old was trying to assemble the complex circuit game in the five minutes before he headed out to school and my two year old used the cover of the chaos to climb onto the breakfast bar and throw a much full of (thankfully cold) tea across the room… Heading out to work felt pretty good today 😉
I admire your strength! Sounds like a chaotic but beautiful life. Imagining that scene in my mind made me chuckle. 🙂
Ellie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please consider reading the book “Supernatural Childbirth” . It’s a small little book and the author was told (from doctors) for years she would never have children. The nook is full of prayers and testimonies! You will be so encouraged! God bless you and your family!
Thank you, April. I’ll add that book to my reading list. 🙂
Oh Ellie, I am so sorry for your loss of another precious baby. We have never met but you are special to me because you took time and emailed me back and forth a few times several years ago. Will be praying for your sweet family.
Thank you, Linda! I remember you and our email conversation. Thank you for your prayers. I am blessed to have you as a reader. 🙂
So much love and prayers.
Thank you, Christine!
I’m truly, truly sorry for your loss. I had 2 consecutive miscarriages between our first and second child. I think it’s the loss of what could be that’s the hardest. The what that child would look like, act like, and so forth. Truly I’m sorry and pray you find some peace during this time.
Thank you so much, MOMTOFOUR. I completely agree.
Hugs and prayers being sent your way. 💕🙏
Thank you, Jennifer 🙂
Hi Ellie. We’ve been trying to get pregnant the last four years. We’ve done fertility treatments including IUIs and this year we started IVF. We had our first miscarriage in June and our second one in October. I know exactly how you are feeling. It’s a lot to handle and I wish you guys the best.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Nikki. That sounds so hard. My heart goes out to you. You’re so strong for continuing to try, despite the heartache. I’m not sure I would be that strong.
Oh Ellie my heart is hurting as I read this. So truly sorry for all the difficulties life is bringing. I was so hoping you’d get your girl one of these times. You may still yet. Just hang on to hope. And I’m glad to hear your faith is that much stronger in God. I knew something had to be going on with your absence on the blogs and was waiting to hear. I wish I could give you a hug right now…my deepest sympathies over your pregnancy losses! Love and hugs.
So sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs and prayers.
Thank you so much, Alayna 🙂
Thank you so much, Candi. I truly do appreciate your words. Thanks for being a loyal reader.
Ellie, my heart breaks for you & hubby!
You are correct, God is in control. Oh what a day of rejoicing that will be! 💕 Praying for you💕
Thank you for your prayers, Betty. They are much appreciated.
Hugs too you, I will pray for you and your family.
Thank you so much, OhioMama!
Hi, I’m so sorry for the sadness that comes with the loss of a baby. I know lots of friends who have had miscarriages, some multiple, and I personally have had four. I have asix great kids, and am grateful for them each day. I had three miscarriages in a row, months apart, after our fourth baby, and it felt like we may not have been able to have any more kids. After my own internet research, I asked my OB/GYN if I could take progesterone if I became pregnant again. I took progesterone as soon as I had a positive pregnancy test and I went on to have two more healthy baby boys. I recognize everyone’s story is different, but want to give you hope after multiple miscarriages.
Hi Allison,
Thank you for your encouragement. Progesterone is one of the things we are talking about. Out of curiosity, how many weeks did you take it for?
Ellie
I took it for 13 weeks for both my 5th and 6th babies. I was nervous to stop taking it, but it worked well for me. It made me so tired and generally very nauseous, like a normal pregnant person during their first trimester, which didn’t really happen during my first four pregnancies without taking progesterone. I wish you the best!
Thanks so much for sharing that! I really do appreciate it.
Hi ellie, imtoo had a miscariage before my first. With both my kidsi took progesterone, for about 19 weeks. I truely beliebe this is why i lost my first. Hugs to you. It does get easier, and i wish you lots of luck expanding your family, however you get to!
Thank you Amanda! And thanks for sharing your experience with progesterone. 🙂
I do not have personal experience with progesterone, but I have heard good things about it!
I am so sorry about your loss, Ellie and Mr. Handsome.
Sorry for your loss. Will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. God Bless.
Joan,Marion and Marilyn
Thank you, Joan, Marion, and Marilyn! I’m grateful to have you ladies as loyal readers.
Ellie, I’m sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our prayers.
Thank you, Federica!
Oh Ellie I am so sorry. You are in our thoughts and prayers…
Thank you, Verna!
I’m so sorry for your loss!
There are no words that can comfort you, but I still want to remind you that all that matters is your baby was loved, is loved and will be loved by her parents and God. Nothing can take that love away from her!
Your story reminds me of one I read on this blog, so maybe it’s useful (even if it’s catholic): http://ablogaboutmiscarriage.blogspot.com/2015/06/how-many-children-do-you-have.html?m=1
Thank you for that lovely reminder, and for sending the blog post link. 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss.
Can I try to encourage you?
Between my 3rd and 4th child, I had my fourth miscarriage. About 8 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. She’s 7 now, and when I look into her eyes and see her smile, I KNOW that God wanted me to have her as my daughter.
I am convinced that He is the giver of life and will give us the children He wants us to have, when He wants us to have them.
The loss is hard now, but we will see those children in Heaven!
So sorry to hear 😢
Love, Mieke
Thank you so much, Mieke!
Thank you for sharing that, Marie. Very encouraging. 🙂
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I too suffered from recurrent pregnancy losses. We are blessed with beautiful, healthy sons, but I will never forget the babies I lost. Time will make it easier, but you will never forget, and I believe it will be part of your life forever. Best wishes for your health and recovery. Please take care of yourself.
Thank you! And thanks for sharing your story. 🙂
So sorry to hear of your loss. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
Thank you, Lynn!
I am so sorry for your loss Ellie. Amongst your grief I hope you can take comfort in the fact that your baby girl is resting in the arms of Jesus.
Amen to that. 🙂 Thank you!
I am so sorry, Ellie. I’ll be praying for you and your family. It’s so hard to understand these things sometimes. I have also experienced great loss in my lifetime. I lost my husband in a car accident ten years ago. Faith and time are great healers. Allow yourself time to grieve. I also know you will be counting your blessings. May peace be with you…
Thank you for your prayers. How horrible that you lost your husband. I can’t imagine. 🙁
Hi Ellie I am so sorry for both your losses. My heart goes out to you and Mr Handsome. I get were your coming from regarding this year and faith. It makes you trust in God’s hands that it will be ok in the end. More so than ever before. Praying for you
Thank you for your prayers, Bethany!
I am so sorry for your losses.
I was very encouraged to read that through this all you have continued to trust in God and your faith has deepend.
Sending lots of love
Thank you, Abby Rose!
Sending lots of love, hugs and prayers.
Thanks, Stacey!
Praying for comfort during this difficult time.
Thanks, Lisa!
Ellie, sorry for your loss. Glad to hear that your health care will be working close with you. Praying that everything works out for you. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you!
Oh Ellie, I’m so sorry for you loss. SendIng lots of virtual hugs and bunches of prayers for you guys!😘
Thank you so much, Kelly!
Oh Ellie, my heart hurts for you and your family. A miscarriage is devastating. I’m sending you a virtual hug and I will add you to my prayers. I’ve been in your shoes with multiple miscarriages and it really knocks you for a loop. May the Lord bless you and your family with his peace and comfort.
Thank you so much for your prayers, Kelly H!
I am so very sorry to hear of your losses Ellie. I hope that you are able to grieve in whatever ways you need. Some things are beyond our understanding. Wishing you peace.
Thank you, Georgiana!
I am so sorry to hear that. A loss is always a loss no matter who it is. The way we process grief is often so different though. You need to grieve how you feel the need and the same is true for your husband. It might not look same but you are both going through this.ay God give you the strength you need to go through this difficult time.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words, Mim. 🙂
Ellie and Mr. H,
I am so heartbroken to hear that you lost your precious daughter. I will be praying for you as you walk through this valley. I am so excited to meet you and your babies in heaven.
With much love,
M
You are so sweet! I look forward to meeting you in heaven, as well!
I’m so very sorry to hear of another baby loss for you. Will be praying for you.
Thank you so much, Diana!
I am so sorry Ellie and I will pray for you and Mr. Handsome! I had a miscarriage as well and it is very sad. I don’t know if you have heard of grief share. It’s a Christian organization that has classes you can take on grieving. It has been a blessing to my life with the recent loss of my mother. And some of the ladies on there have had miscarriages. If you Google grief share, the information will come up. I will be praying for you and your family.
Thank you for your condolences and for the suggestion. I will look into it. So sorry to hear about your mother!
So sorry to hear about your recent loss. It must be very hard.
Thank you, Netta!
sorry for your loss, praying for you. maybe you should see a doctor as they can help you more and see if something is wrong with you. Prayers for you.
Thank you, Ms. Shapro! Just schedule an appointment with a specialist. 🙂
Oh no, I am so sorry Ellie! Sending you a virtual hug <3
Thank you, Ellyn! 🙂
I’m sorry for your loss. That’s a sad thing to have to go through. However, I don’t understand anybody’s rush to have baby after baby anytime but especially during a pandemic. What’s wrong with having 3-5 years or more between children?
What is wrong with you?
I wish you calmness and peace in what must be a mentally stressful time for you. The pandemic will pass eventually, and many of us will regret thoughts and feelings we had during this time, but one thing I insist is that I always try my very best to BE KIND. To be otherwise is just unconscionable to me. I never know another’s journey and I’ve never walked in anyone’s shoes but my own. I strive to understand.
Thank you, Margaret. And thank you for that great reminder!
I appreciate your condolences, Jill. There’s nothing wrong with having kids 3-5 years apart. I think everyone has different family goals. Before becoming pregnant in June, I read advice from specialists regarding becoming pregnant during the pandemic, and they surprisingly told couples that it’s not necessary to wait to grow their families, as long as they are careful.
I agree with you, Jill. It’s selfish and irresponsible to get pregnant during a pandemic, because the effects of COVID-19 on unborn fetuses are not yet known. Also, our healthcare system is overwhelmed with COVID and the focus needs to be on COVID patients. Pregnancy can wait in most cases.
Dear Ellie
As women share their stories of miscarriage and loss I know you all will bring comfort to each other.
I hope the men also find a way to deal with their grief.
I am glad your faith brings you comfort during this time.
Take good care of yourself.
Many hugs
Thank you, DB!
Oh Ellie! How my heart breaks for you. My prayer is that our Heavenly Father will shower you with much peace and comfort during this time.
My husband and I tried for eight years before we became pregnant, only for my pregnancy to end in a miscarriage that we learned about the day before Thanksgiving (years ago), when we went in for my 12 week appointment and no heartbeat was found. It was a difficult Thanksgiving holiday. I would sneak upstairs and cry in my closet, wash my face, put in eyedrops and come back downstairs to join the family. I attributed my runny nose to a cold. My husband was a great support and we leaned on the Lord, even though I questioned why. I didn’t ‘deliver’ my baby until the week before Christmas, as I wanted my body to do it naturally. Even though my baby was 12 weeks, you could see that the baby was a baby, with all the distinguishing features.
My ob/gyn had tests done to determine the cause of death. We were supposed to have a baby girl on my husband’s birthday, but the tests revealed that she had chromosomal abnormalities. They were so severe that had she not passed at 12 weeks, she more than likely would have passed later on in the pregnancy or even more heartbreaking, would have been born, only to live a few hours to a week. I don’t know if I would have been able to survive that. The Lord knew what was best and she opened her eyes to see our Lord in a perfect body!
We now have a daughter and a son – God is good all the time! We pray that the Lord will grow our family, but it is His timing and will – whether biologically or through adoption.
A couple of things that my ob/gyn had me take is progesterone and a baby aspirin. I took a baby aspirin every day – throughout my cycle until the end of my 1st trimester. She told me that taking a baby aspirin each day is a way to help prevent miscarriages. As for progesterone, I would take this after ovulation until my expected period. If my test was negative, I would stop taking it. When my tests were positive, I took it until the end of my 1st trimester. She said at this point, my body had built up enough of the hormone.
I will keep you in my prayers and that as you seek the Lord, He will guide you down the path that He has chosen for you, as His plans are always the best. I pray that He will grant you the desires of your heart.
Thank you for taking the time to write a long and thoughtful comment, Sanna. That sounds like such a hard road, but I’m so glad you were able to having two children in the end! God is good all the time!
I am so sorry for your loss. We had a healthy son and when we tried for another nothing worked. Years of trying only ended up in loss and disappointment. I finally got pregnant with twins through IVF but started spotting at 7 weeks. Convinced I was losing them I cried, became irrational and told my husband that I couldn’t do it anymore and just wanted to get a puppy. I was lucky for a fantastic support system and although it was an extremely difficult pregnancy with a very early delivery my girls will be 26 on Wednesday.
Thank for your your condolences and for sharing your story. What a lovely ending!
I am so sorry Ellie. Just said a prayer for you, and sending some virtual hugs your way!
Thank you so much, Alicia Mae! I’m so grateful to have you as a reader.
I’m sorry for your loss. I can somewhat relate. My husband and I lost our only baby (miscarriage) last year. He was diagnosed with cancer a couple months later and was no longer able to have children due to the treatment. We then moved on to embryo adoption and now have a healthy little girl.
I know it doesn’t take any of the pain away, but statistically since you have a child you a very likely to have another without intervention. I wish you the best of luck.
I am so, so sorry Dani! That must have been so traumatic, both the miscarriage and cancer. Hope he’s doing well. And Congratulations on your baby girl!
Ellie
Such heart hurting sorrows for you Ellie and Mr H. Sending you hugs and keeping you both in my prayers and thoughts. Eileen
Thank you, Eileen! And thank you for being a loyal reader. 🙂
Please accept my sympathy for your loss
Thank you, Stephanie!
Oh Ellie,
I am so very sorry for your loss, and hope that you heal as quickly as possible.
Much love to you and your family. You will all be in my thoughts.
Thank you, Amanda!
I’m really sorry for your loss. I’m sending you healing vibes.
Thank you, Julie!
Dear Ellie
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. After 5 absolutely healthy, dream pregnancies and big, healthy babies, our little son, Judah, went to be with the Lord at 20 weeks this February. At first the consultant didn’t think much of it, as I had such a good obstetrics history, but routine blood tests suddenly pointed to antiphospholipid syndrome. Please insist on a blood test to test for this blood clotting disorder. I’m now 37+2 weeks along with another baby, having to take daily aspirin and heparin shots. Praying for comfort and wisdom for you and your husband.
Thank you for the suggestion, Anja. I will definitely look into that. Thank you for praying! I’ll pray for a safe delivery for you. 🙂
Ellie
I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and Mr. H now and in the coming days.
Thank you, K Alexis. And thank you for praying!
I’m sorry for both your losses. My husband, our son, and myself are all rainbow babies (I came after two losses, hubs and son each came after one). While we’ve each made our parents indescribably happy, the pain before allows me to truly empathize with others who know this kind of loss. I hope things look up for you soon.
Thank you so much, Emilie. What an encouraging story! Thank you for sharing.
Ellie, Mr. Handsome, and Little Buddy,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sending lots of hugs and prayers your way!!!
Kelley
Thank you, Kelley!
I am so sorry to hear this, Ellie. Sending prayers your way and hoping you find peace during this holiday season.
Thank you! 🙂
I was so sad to read this. I am praying for you both!
Thank you, Kay!
Praying for you as well . I know that has to be hard. I did ok with our 2 year anniversary due date , we lost at 12 weeks . It was a little hard but not as bad as the first one .We had two chemical pregnancies a few months later . If you don’t mind me asking did you neee a d&c? I lost naturally , but didn’t lose all the tissue (placenta ) so I needed one in the er .
I don’t know why i lost our baby and didn’t have luck with the two chemical pregnancies being a successful pregnancy .
We did finally decide to try iui and then IVF. Our deductible was met this year and the insurance started to cover the cost , making it affordable this year . I just did the egg retrieval ( and did it awake ) yesterday and should be doing the transfer Monday . While IVF was never my plan , I know I am getting older and are going through secondary infertility is not something we expected to go through or even knew it could happen . Praying that if it’s God’s will the embryo will stick next week .
Hi Tiffany. I haven’t had a D&C yet. They are still following my levels, and if they don’t go down on their own, I will need one. Sadly my body seems to be really good at (quickly) getting rid of everything on it’s own. 🙁 Praying for a successful procedure for you! Is there a lower risk of miscarriage when you do IVF? I don’t know too much about it, but I’ve heard plenty of success stories.
You and Mr Handsome are a young couple. Maybe just have faith in God who is the giver of life. You have been blessed with a son.
The Bible says unless Heaven give a thing (_) cannot receive it.
So why play God just be receivers if God wants it to be. I know people are intelligent, but at some point people should not attempt to be in challenge of God. Let go and let God be God. Should people really go beyond normal intelligence and consider that to be all of ‘their’ mind?
Thank you! 🙂
I am not so sure as to how much it could lower your chance or miscarriage . I didn’t really ask or look it up. I do know that if you have the test done to your embryos , then you know if the embryos have normal chromosomes . Most of the time that is the cause of miscarriages, but not all the reasons.
It might have been the cause of our miscarriage at 12 weeks . I still wish we would have gotten our baby tested to see , but it’s too late now.
I just wanted to know why we lost him and if there could have been anything to prevent it.
Sadly our IVF transfer didn’t work and it was kinda hard to hear that news . I too had a feeling it didn’t work . We do have 4 more embryos (which aren’t tested ) and may try to do a frozen embryo transfer soon .
My progesterone levels were good after the transfer , 62 I believe . I was taking the injections .
I hope you are healing ok since your second loss . And I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas !
Have you looked more into the progesterone levels you had or if you could have a blood clotting issue or some kind of autoimmune issue ? I have not been tested , but I thought about asking my doctor .
Hi Tiffany,
That sounds really difficult! I pray that you will get good guidance and care as you continue the process. I actually had a meeting with a fertility specialist this week. He is going to do some blood tests (one is for a clotting disorder) and a specific kind of ultrasound. He said that when I do get pregnant again, he will give progesterone for 10 weeks. I would like to take it for longer, based on things I’ve heard from other people, but I think my midwife would be happy to continue the prescription. I’m hopeful, although he did make sure to say that there is only a 50% chance of finding the cause.
Wishing you and your family a very merry Christmas!
Ellie
With IVF we do injections of progesterone for 10 weeks as well. I think it doesn’t hurt to ask and get progesterone tested after that . I was actually supposed to be on progesterone with my 3rd pregnancy around 13 or so weeks till 37 , I believe . My midwife wanted me to do the injections since I had my last son at 36 weeks 6 days . I was at risk into going into labor again that early . I thought about doing it until I saw the price . It would have been over 1k . But for some reason the progesterone I paid for a month ago was only $50 for two bottles . I only used less than one in two weeks . It wasn’t too bad doing the progesterone injections , my husband did them and I applied ice right before .
I am so glad you got to have a meeting with a fertility doctor . I hope you find answers .
I still don’t have.answers to why I can’t get pregnant . All I know is I have had 2 c sections and one d&c after my miscarriage to get the placenta . Also I have low vitamin d .
I have a meeting with one on Tuesday . Maybe I can ask about the blood clotting issue as well . My sister in law has it , but found out when she was only 8 weeks . She ended up having a blood clot in her leg , which they found out she had one of the blood clotting disorders . With daily injections and going to high risk Ob , she had a successful pregnancy , with no other blood clots .
I hope your appointment goes well! It sounds like there are a few different blood clotting issues. Some are hereditary (although the fertility doctor told me that those ones aren’t thought to be as responsible for miscarriage as was once thought) and others are not (those ones can more likely cause miscarriage). He tested me for the ones that are not hereditary. Have you heard about folic acid vs folate? In a nutshell, there’s something called the MTHFR gene that prevents some women from digesting folic acid, which is found in most prenatal vitamins. My midwife told me to switch to a brand (Thorne is one of the few) that has prenatals with folate, just in case I have that gene.
No , I haven’t heard that about folic acid .
Were you talking about the APS blood clotting test?
Based on some quick research it says people test for that if you have had more than one miscarriage or one past 10 weeks with a normal looking fetus .
My miscarriage was at 12 weeks 1 day , but I am wondering if they consider my two chemical pregnancies a miscarriage as well ? It was pretty early , and my first one I tested the hcg levels at fertility clinic and had a saline ultrasound the following week . My ultrasound was normal . I wanted to have one , since I had a d&c and to check for scaring .
The one my sister-in-law has in factor 5 which is genetic , like you mentioned .
Yep, Antiphospholipid (APS) was what they tested me for. Still haven’t gotten the results. From what I learned from the fertility specialist, they don’t consider a miscarriage to be a “clinical” miscarriage if it was too early to hear a heartbeat. (Then it’s just a chemical, as you said.) But he said that since I had one clinical, he thought it was worth doing some tests.
I am so sorry for your loss Ellie. Your blog post is beautifully written and so dignified. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you so much, Celia.
I’m so sorry to hear this Ellie. Having had 2 of my babies not work out I can empathise. I’m 9 weeks pregnant again now and will be nervous until I get relatively safely past the first trimester. Hugs and best wishes for your future, whatever it brings.
Thank you, Shell. I pray that your baby will remain healthy and will arrive safe and sound!
Dear Ellie,
My heart is grieved for you.
I once read that in taking courage to “go first” you give many others the opportunity to “go second”
Thank you for “going first” and bravely sharing your story and assurance of the hope you have in Christ. I’m sure it is touching the life of someone who would otherwise feel alone in what they are going though.
God is still God and He is still good. You are prayed for up North in Canada.
Thank you for your lovely words, Elizabeth. And thank you for praying. I so appreciate it.
Dear Ellie & Family,
I’m so sorry for your losses. I feel your sadness and disappointment as I’ve experienced 3 heartbreaking miscarriages. Thankfully we also have been blessed with 4 beautiful, healthy children.
I just thought I’d share with you something that helped me in a small way. I searched online for a small keepsake of our sweet babies in heaven, to be used as a Christmas ornament. It’s 3 tiny clay babies (you could choose the # of babies) in white diapers (you could choose white, blue or pink) cuddled together on a “bed” of angel wings in the shape of a heart to remind us that our babies are not only safe in heaven, but also together.
Little Buddy may not have a sibling here on Earth, quite yet, but his sweet siblings in Heaven are together.
Love, Angelina
So sorry for your miscarriages, Angelina. Did they happen all in a row, or spread out? That sounds like a beautiful ornament. What a beautiful reminder.
Our first pregnancy was in 2007 and ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks. Then our second pregnancy came in 2008, also ending in miscarriage at 8 weeks. I was worried we wouldn’t be able to have a healthy pregnancy. I felt guilty for being so sad when others have been through worse. I know now that each loss is heartbreaking, no matter how far along, and each person deserves to mourn without guilt.
Then in 2009 we were pregnant again! Our son was born in 2010. Little brother arrived 15 months later! Best friends!
I was pregnant again when the boys were toddlers and, again, I miscarried in the early weeks. I never found out if there was a medical reason. I know from a religious point of view, it was simply God’s plan and I took GREAT comfort in that.
Our girls arrived in 2016 and 2018.
Today, Devin is 10, Ronan is 9, Olivia is 4 and our youngest, Remi, is 2. I keep my ornament out year round and our kids know about our babies in Heaven and love them.
We are truly blessed and I am at peace with each miscarriage, although I cry countless tears for others who have experienced miscarriages or still births or any loss of a child. Of course I cry tears of joy when babies arrive too! : )
With love, Angelina
Thank you for sharing your story, Angelina. You have such a great perspective. I can completely identify with the feelings of guilt for being sad when others have been through so much more. But I try to remind myself that if everyone thought that way, then everyone would internalize their hurts because there is always going to be someone who has it worse. Sounds like a wonderful family. Is Remi short for anything? Adorable name.
Remy is a name of French origin, typically used for a boy. Remi (with an i) is a girl’s name in Japan. My husband is half Japanese!
Regardless of the origin, I just thought it was cute/pretty! Would certainly fit in with the Webster girls I read about on your Bates blog! LOL
Take care, Ellie, praying the Christmas season brings joy and peace to your family.
How lovely! Thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas to you, too. 🙂
Aww❤️. No words. Just hugs and love to you!!! God is still good
Thank you. 🙂
I am so sorry for your loss Ellie. I will be praying for your family as you heal from the miscarriages and that you will be able to get pregnant again. God Bless
-Mallory B
Thank you, Mallory. We really appreciate it.
So Sorry for your loss, Ellie. Hugs
Thank you, Karen
I am so sorry for your loss, Ellie and Mr. Handsome.
May I send you a song I came across by chance this evening just before I read your sad news?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTZtKoAwf0U
Warm greetings!
That’s a beautiful song! Thank you for sending, Ann.
I am so, so sorry for your loss!💕
Thank you, Susan!
Ellie, make sure that someone checks your anticardiolipins. It is a blood clotting issue that results in miscarriage, and it is easily treatable with baby aspirin and heparin shots. Good luck
Thank you for mentioning that, Anne!
Oh, Ellie! I am so very sorry for your loss. You and I miscarried around the same time back in July so our baby’s due date is fast approaching. Will be praying for you. – Shell
Thank you, Shell! I remember your comments on my miscarriage posts this summer. It’s hard waiting on the due date. 🙁 Do you think you will try again?
I would love to but unfortunately I am still having thyroid problems that could cause miscarriages. I am getting blood-work done every 6 weeks to see if my TSH is normal or not. It has gone from too high to too low. 🙁
I’m so sorry to hear that. I have thyroid issues, as well. Have you been tested for thyroid antibodies to determine if it’s autoimmune?
Yes, I have and it is autoimmune Hashimotos.
Sounds like we are in the same boat. I would love to stay in touch 🙂 Keep me updated on your journey!
I’m sorry! So very hard! 🙁 Praying for your family!
Thank you!
So very sorry for your loss in November. Every child is a precious soul created by God. By chance does your midwife check progesterone levels through blood work while pregnant? Sometimes those levels need tweaking before & during pregnancies.
Hi Shelly,
She does check, but she only supplements if it’s below 15 or 16. Mine was just above that. The fertility specialist I saw will give it until 10 weeks regardless of level, although I would like to keep taking it longer than that, so I might request to stay on it at least until the end of the 1st trimester. What has been your experience with progesterone?
Ellie
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost my first and only child at 11 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy. I ran a few tests weeks later, to find out that I have several genetic mutations (pregnancy thrombophilia).
I asked my mother about this and she told me she lost 4 babies after she had me. (I am a single child).
It’s been 5 years since we tried to conceive again but no pregnancy yet.
Trully, the size of our families are in God’s hands.
Praying for you.
xoxoxo
I’m so sorry to hear that, Alexandra. I know that must be so hard! 🙁 Would you consider seeing a specialist? I hope that’s not too personal of a question.
Ellie
My prayers for peace and comfort are with you and your family. Thanking God that you continue to have Hope!😊
Thank you, CJOHN!
So sorry for your loss…. I experienced very similar thing after my first child was born. Early miscarriage followed by another loss at 18.5 wks (our first born son). I too wondered if we’d ever be blessed with another child…. It made me realize how precious each baby is and never to take pregnancy for granted! The Lord did bless us again (I ended up learning that I have low progesterone, which has to be closely watched and I have to take progesterone during pregnancy, cream/ pills and then shots after 16wks to help keep the pregnancy going)! We are expecting our 13 child in January, 10 living and 3 in heaven.
Wow, what a fun family life that must be! Congratulations on your upcoming delivery. How did they determine that you need shots after 16 weeks? Did your bloodtests come back low? Lots of ladies have told me about having low progesterone, but no one has mentioned that, so I’m really curious how you figured it out.
Ellie
Oh, Ellie, I am so sorry to read this. Know that you are blessing others with your openness surrounding miscarriage. Praying for you and sending you a virtual hug from New Brunswick, Canada.
Thank you so much, Kari!
So sorry for your loss , Praying for you ,
Thank you, Gabrielle!
Ellie.
Deeply sorry for the loss of both your babies! Prayers for you and Mr. Handsome during this difficult time. Merry Christmas and a joyous new year!
Thank you, Leann! I enjoyed our email conversation this summer. 🙂
Sorry for your loss! We also lost two babies between our two children. They are always in our hearts!
I hope you will heal soon and you and your family can enjoy Christmas!
Thank you, Erica! Merry Christmas!
Ellie, I just now read this post and want to say how truly sorry I am for your loss. I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy many years ago, and then we lost our 27 year old son in 2016. No matter when it happens, losing a child is devastating and heartbreaking. Thankfully we can trust in the Lord, knowing that even when we don’t understand, He knows our life and the number of our days, and He works all things together for our good. I will be praying for you. God bless you and your family.
Thank you for your kind words, Kris. I am so so sorry about your son. How heartbreaking! I just can’t imagine. Thank you for praying for us. I will pray for you, as well.
Ellie
Hi Ellie, I’m behind in checking your posts, and was so sorry to see this. May the Lord carry you and your family close to His heart as you walk through all of the emotions of this together. You have no choice in letting your little girl go to Him, but it is a daily choice of how to handle how you feel, and I’m grateful to see you can still trust in His goodness.
We miscarried our first child on Christmas Day eight years ago, and this is the first year my heart hasn’t looked toward Christmas with a feeling of dread and such loss, although I fully realize and cherish Christ’s birth and it’s meaning for me. It is just so hard. This year has been easier, although we will never forget. May God show kindness to you and bless you with how sweet Presence in your life this winter.
Thank you for your encouraging words, Michelle. 🙂 That would be so hard to lose a baby on Christmas. I can definitely relate to the feeling of wanting to celebrate Christ’s birth but feeling still feeling down about the holidays in general. I’m so glad that this year was easier for you.
Ellie
I’m so sorry for your loss Ellie. Did you happen to check for the Rh factor while pregnant with little buddy? If you and your husband’s blood types aren’t compatible, it will cause you to have a normal pregnancy for your first child, but unsuccessful subsequent pregnancies after that. You can get a Rhogam shot to counter-act the effects. This is something I need to do to carry babies to term, and is very common.
Hi Charlotte,
Thank you for your condolences. I actually have the Rh factor and have had Rhogam shots with each pregnancy. But I appreciate you mentioning it. 🙂
Ellie
I got my results back for that test and they came back a little high . So my doctor told me to take baby aspirin everyday . And I have a increased risk of blood clotting and miscarriage . Other than that , that’s all I know .
Did you get your results back yet ?
Hi Tiffany,
My test results came back normal, but they are still having me keep up with a baby aspirin every day. I’ve heard from a lot of women who do this. It’s very safe, which makes me feel good. What are your next steps?
Ellie
She told me today that I do retest at 12 weeks . But to be safe , since I am trying to get pregnant to take the baby aspirin everyday before the 3 months blood test . She mentioned that since I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and the two chemicals . I will also be doing the frozen embryo transfer soon . And it was either do aspirin now and still do the FET or wait 3 months for the test and do the FET later .
I am glad your results were normal . I did see someone else’s comment on here saying they took baby aspirin as well to prevent miscarriage , but didn’t say anything about antibodies and that same blood test . I think with the baby aspirin and then the progesterone you will be taking , should decrease your chances of another miscarriage.
I remember reading on the Bates blog in the past about one of daughters having a few miscarriages and having a blood clotting issue as well ( not sure which kind ). It was so good to read about her successful pregnancies after that .
I think if it wasn’t for me reading about it on that blog and this post , I wouldn’t have asked for the blood clotting test .
Have a great week !
It sounds like you’re doing lots of research and getting lots of good advice. You sound a lot like me, someone who likes to know exactly what’s going on and what can be done about it. 🙂 Yep, some of the Bates daughters have genetic blood clotting disorders. From what my fertility doctor told me, the genetic disorders don’t cause miscarriages as often as the non-genetic ones. So some pregnancies are perfectly healthy, while others aren’t. He said he isn’t going to test me for that right now because even if I have one, there’s a good chance of still having a healthy pregnancy.
Ellie
Elle, I am so sorry for your losses. I too also lost two babies but did go on to have a daughter and a son. It is in God’s timing and I am so glad to read that your faith has not wavered. Stay close to your Husband and openly share your hurt and disappointment. This brought my Husband and I closer. My husband told our children about how much they were wanted and how we faced loss and disappointment. Unfortunately, I recently lost my husband and now I must learn to navigate through life alone. It is not easy but I know our good Lord will guide me. I am grateful for my children and the wonderful husband I had. May God bless you and give you many blessings. Enjoy the family you have and if he sees fit you will have more children. Take care and may God richly bless you.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s passing, Jana! That must be so, so hard. How old are your children? I will be praying for all 3 of you.
Ellie