I shared on Facebook a few days ago about my recent miscarriage. Mr. Handsome and I are very grateful for the encouraging comments and well wishes that many of you left, as well as for your prayers.
This has been a difficult time for us, and especially for me, but it has been incredibly comforting to hear, based on words shared by other moms who have been through miscarriage, that my grief has been very normal.
The first week was the hardest because the postpartum hormones were raging. When I wasn’t crying, I was actively holding back tears. It helped to have our rambunctious toddler as a distraction and a reminder of the blessings that God has given us. And Mr. Handsome was so compassionate and attentive. His sorrow was great, but not as great as mine because I was the one who carried the baby and had that special connection.
The second week has been significantly easier, but the feeling of loss is still very present. Through this whole experience, though, I have felt such an overwhelming peace. Even in the three days when I began having miscarriage symptoms but still did not know whether the miscarriage would occur (what a difficult time that was!), I felt peace knowing that God was with me.
We believe that life begins at conception and that every tiny human conceived is created by God and has an eternal soul. Unborn babies and young children who die do not have the mental ability to accept or deny God’s gift of salvation through His son Jesus Christ. For that reason, we believe that all little ones go to heaven when they leave this earth.
This wasn’t something I had spent much time thinking about before our miscarriage, but when we lost the baby, the thought immediately popped into my head that he or she is safe in God’s arms, and with that came great peace.
As I searched Scripture, I was able to find verses on the subject, and I also found sermons from two pastors that Mr. Handsome and I have great respect for that go into depth on the topic, with Scriptural evidence. A friend sent me two books that I am looking forward to reading. Knowing that I will spend eternity in heaven with God and other believers has always been an incredible promise, and that promise is even sweeter knowing that I have a precious child up there who is waiting to meet me.
Shelley
Ellie,
It breaks my heart to hear of your loss. About two and a half years ago my husband and I suffered a miscarriage. I will forever be lonely for our baby. It has also been more difficult knowing that we will never be blessed with any children. I am glad you are able to find comfort in the child you do have and hopefully in the hope of future children.
I hope you are able to find peace in your heart again despite this great loss.
Ellie
Shelley, I can only imagine how much more difficult a miscarriage would be if I did not already have a child. My heart goes out to you!
Ellie
Esther Huddleston
So sorry to hear that sad news. Praying the Lord will comfort and bless you as you trust Him. “He is close to the broken hearted.”
Ellie
Thank you, Esther! That is a great Bible verse.
Elizabeth
I am very sorry for your loss, Ellie! I had a miscarriage 3 years ago. There are not words to describe the deep pain and sorrow. There were no words that brought comfort to me other than that the Lord is good. That He works all things so that we might gain more of Him.
I honestly still don’t understand why I lost my baby. But I keep bringing it to the Lord and opening to Him. He’s the Shepherd of our souls.
I appreciate you sharing about it. I only shared mine with a few people.
If you felt up to it sometime would you please share the verses and sermons you mentioned? I grew up thinking that babies who pass away go to be with the Lord, but I’m learning to go to the Lord in His Word about things before just taking someone at their word. I’ve never commented here before and I probably won’t again, but I enjoy reading about your family and I pray that our Lord Jesus would be your comfort in this time of great loss and He would be so personally sweet to you and Mr. H on your journey of healing.
Ellie
Hi Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for commenting on my site. Below are a couple resources from Pastor John Piper. I have also been reading through the book ‘Safe in the Arms of God’ by Pastor John MacArthur. Haven’t finished it yet, but it has been great.
https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/why-do-you-believe-that-infants-who-die-go-to-heaven
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua_OZ9Ojoko
Hope this helps!
Ellie
Marilyn
So sorry for your loss. Hope you can take comfort knowing your baby is in the hands of God. You will be reunited some day with your baby. Will keep you and Mr.Handsome in our thoughts and prayers. God Bless you,Mr.Handsome and Little Buddy.
Joan,Marion and Marilyn
Ellie
Thank you for the prayers and sympathy, Joan, Marion, and Marilyn.
Ellie
Mary T.
Thank you for trusting us with this sad news. Indeed the mercy and grace of God is an incredible pillow on which to rest our heads in times of sorrow.
Ellie
Thank you for the encouragement, Mary! 🙂
Stacey Badger
Sorry for your lost. Praying for peace for you and your husband. God bless.
Ellie
Thank you so much, Stacey!
Sally
So sorry for your loss. I haven’t had a miscarriage before so I don’t understand fully the pain you are going through. My sister has had unfortunately 9 miscarriages and is unable to have children. Knowing what she has gone through, may you one day find peace.
Ellie
Thank you, Sally. My heart goes out to your sister. How difficult that must be!
J
Everyone talks about their Rainbow baby and that seems to help. The sooner they get it the better. I never got mine. I hope you get yours Ellie.
Ellie
I am so sorry that you never got your rainbow baby, J. That breaks my heart! Thank you for the well wishes.
Ellie
Kat
Ellie,
my heart goes out to you as you suffer the loss of your little baby. No matter what gestational age they are when we loose them, each child is a huge loss. Out of our seven children, we lost two during pregnancy (at 8 weeks and at 17 weeks) and one during labor. Each one is missed so much and still I feel at peace knowing there is a reason. The Lord has opened my eyes for all the beauty in the world and for all the people that stood with us during the hard time right after losing the babies. It makes me appreciate life and the lives of our four kids that are with us even more. I know that my babies are with the Lord und one day a will see them again. And (as my oldest daughter put it) in the meanwhile Great-Grandma is looking after them in heaven.
Ellie
Thank you for your sympathy, Kat. Losing 3 babies sounds so hard! Do you mind me asking when in your family order the losses occurred? Were all three in a row, or were they spaced out?
Ellie
Kat
I had three kids and then lost one at 17 weeks. After that we thought we’d have our rainbow baby but lost our daughter during labor. It was hard telling the kids that we once again had lost a baby but at the same time helped so much holding them and not being alone with empty arms. The decision to try for another baby was hard and took some time but we finally had our rainbow baby 18 months after losing our daughter. When he was just over a year we lost another baby at 8 weeks. There never was a heartbeat.
I live in Germany and nowadays parents that loose a baby during pregnancy or labor get lots of support and the hospital even had a ceremony and funeral for all the families. They even have a group that meets once a month where you can talk about your baby and your grief. The rest of the world usually gets back to normal shortly after your loss but many parents just can’t. That was a great help for me.
Ellie
How heartbreaking! I am very glad you were able to have your rainbow baby, but those losses must have been SO difficult.
Mieke
Oh Ellie, what a loss! I find it difficult to find words that can comfort you, or that can express my sympathy for you, but please know that I will pray for you!
Hugs! Mieke
Ellie
Thank you for your prayers and sympathy, Mieke. It means a lot. 🙂
Ellie
M.
It’s so hard to lose a beloved baby, but knowing that God chose you to be that precious child’s mother and to hold it for every second it was here, is something that will only belong to you for your whole lifetime. It is so hard to never hold them in our arms, but what a treasure He counts each of our souls, and what an amazing thought that He chose you to carry this precious little one He created for His glory. I’m so sorry your arms will not hold it here in earth, but I know that God loves you and your baby, too. Praying for you and your husband. ❤️
Ellie
That is so true and so comforting. Thank you for your prayers and sympathy. <3
Ellie
Alison from Scotland
My condolences to you, Mr H (and Buddy )on your loss. Finding the right thing to say to someone in your position is very difficult as nothing can take the sadness away- I usually just give the person/people a hug, so , sending a virtual one to you and your family. My granddaughter recently passed away at 4 days old (genetic problems) and ,due to Covid, I was unable to see her or provide these hugs to my daughter .Thank you for sharing this event with your blog readers.
Ellie
Thank you for the virtual hug, Alison.
That is so very sad to hear about your granddaughter! Praying for you and your family to find peace in such a difficult time.
Ellie
Alison
Thank you Ellie, that is very kind of you and I will be praying for you and Mr H.
S Susan
Dear Ellie, I am so, so sorry for your loss. May Allah (God) make it easy for you and surely your baby is in heaven. I too had a miscarriage after 2 children at week 10 and the grieve was very real. You are not alone and God is always with you.
Just want to say that I enjoy your blog: written by a woman with faith! I send my prayers to you and your family./ S Susan, Stockholm, Sweden
Ellie
Thank you very much, Susan! Sweden is a beautiful country. My family visited some friends there when I was young.
Ellie
Liz
So sorry Ellie 🙁
I lost a baby 3 years ago and it was just so hard. The hormones, the grief…it was really tough. I tried to ‘bounce back’ and seem fine at work etc too soon, because I felt like I needed to seem better within a certain time frame. Now I realise that there is no specified time frame for grief, you just have to let it take its course. Be extra kind to yourself. I’m glad you have your faith to help you through, it must be a real comfort. I did find that, once I shared my experience with people, so many women opened up about their own experiences with miscarriage. It was strangely comforting because it made me feel less alone. Sending you best wishes for your recovery x
Ellie
Thank you for sharing, Liz. I agree, once you open up, it’s a lot easier to handle.
Margie
Love & Hugs.
Ellie
Thank you, Margie!
Jess
I am so sorry for your loss, I am happy you have found some comfort and have shared and helped others. Prayers for you and your family 🙏🏻
Ellie
Thank you for the prayers, Jess!
Ellie
Lynn W
Ellie, So sorry to hear of your loss. Sending hugs.
Ellie
Thank you, Lynn!
Anonymous
It must break God’s heart to have human beings deal harshly with human life, and all of nature. It is nice you are a sensitive and caring person.
Ellie
Yes, I’m sure it breaks God’s heart. Thank you for your comment. 🙂
Ellie
Anonymous
Why are you comparing your level of sorrow with your husband’s level and saying that yours was worse? That reads as if you’re proud that your sorrow was more. Isn’t this ONE shared sorrow?
Ellie
That’s an interesting question. I suppose it could be different for every couple, but based on what we have experienced and what others who have been through miscarriage have told us, it’s much harder on the mom. That’s not to say that the dad doesn’t care and that it’s not a shared sorrow. It is certainly very sad for the dad, but he just doesn’t have the connection that the mom has with the unborn baby. If anyone else has anything to add, feel free. I would be interested to hear what others have to say on this.
Ellie
WA mama
I haven’t had a miscarriage yet, the Lord blessed us with 4 kiddos, and the whole time during the pregnancies my husband kept saying That although he loves the baby, he doesn’t feel very connected. I however, obviously, felt an overwhelming connection and love for the baby in the womb. So I agree with Ellie that the connection is very different between the dad and mom. When the child is born however, the love is probably the same:)
Anonymous
Mr Handsome should be approached for an answer. However in general men control their emotions to a high degree. So it is also unlikely that they will open up much about what they feel about this. Controlling emotions and expression does not mean there are not strong reactions and emotions. But men learn not to share or exhibit them to others.
M.
I would agree that the connection between the parents and the child are different. When we lost our first, my husband said that he was very sad when he thought of the things that would now never be, but that he could see how he felt was different than how I did. When I asked him to clarify, he said that it almost seemed like I had lost someone I already knew and loved, and to him it seemed he had lost the potential to have known and loved someone. He said that he did grieve for what he would miss with our child, but that seeing my grief for our lost child was almost the hardest part about it for him. I do think maybe that was because it was our first. If we lost one now that he is has experienced fatherhood, I do think it would affect him much differently than it did as our first baby, although that was of course quite difficult for him. The point is, I think, that it is difficult for both in different ways, not that it is more difficult for one than the other. Maybe that is because God made us differently in ways that we can support and complement one another in such situations. May God comfort both of you in the ways you each most need it.
Anonymous
Not sure I agree with the father not having the connection. Fathers are every bit as much of a parent from the minute you get the pregnancy news. They may not be the ones with the physical pregnancy, but they usually say “we’re expecting.” I wouldn’t underestimate that.
Another question – Do women feel they have “failed” in some way when a miscarriage happens? Or failed their husbands? That would be an awful guilt to carry along with sorrow.
Julie
Ellie,
I forgot to say how sorry I am for your loss. There is no timeline for grief.
Ellie
Thank you, Julie!
Federica
Ellie, I am so sorry for your and your family’s loss. Sending you our prayers and hugs. I too have a child in Heaven, and one on earth.
As to your question, my personal experience has been that, as a mom who physically carried the pregnancies, I have had a much more “physical” reaction, in addition to psychological, to anything related to my children. I can tell you that my husband, who loves our child(ren) unconditionally, does not have the same physical reactions. For example, with my living child, when he cries, I experience actual physical pain and discomfort, which does not happen to my husband at all (although obviously he is equally concerned/prompt in addressing whatever the cause of the child’s crying is).
Similarly, with our child in Heaven, my pain was very physical – in the obvious ways, but also, manifesting in other discomforts such as inability to sleep, nausea, splitting headaches, etc.
I don’t want to take anything away from the love of mothers, fathers, partners, or other parent figures, but based on my own personal experience (not a doctor or psychologist) I do believe that these physical reactions are very unique to those of us who carry a pregnancy (and/or experience a miscarriage).
Be well – you are loved.
Ellie
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Federica. And thank you for your encouragement and well wishes. 🙂
Ellie
Julie
There is one sorrow in the loss of a child. However, the mother does feel a physical and emotional connection to the unborn baby that her husband simply does not. The mother and baby are together 24/7 and mom gets special moments, like the first flutter, that dad unfortunately misses out on. In addition to the emotional loss, there is the process of the physical loss. The accompanying hormonal shifts make the emotional sadness that much deeper.
I don’t think it’s fair to criticize someone else’s feelings about their lived experience. I think that Ellie explained in the original post why she felt a deeper sorrow and it didn’t come from a place of pride.
Anonymous
I think Ellie is allowed to say that her grief is worse than her husband’s because she knows her husband and his grief. Maybe for some couples, the father might have a harder time coping with a miscarriage, but Ellie has said that’s not the case. And biologically, when considering the hormones and neurotransmitters that control connections to our children, men do not experience that connection until after the baby is born. It’s not like she’s comparing her grief to some other woman who’s had a miscarriage. That would be unfair and unkind. But I think what Ellie said is reasonable.
Anonymous
How RUDE! I noticed that some people are coming to this blog to attack Christians! She lost her baby and the bond that she has is different from her husband!
Kaylee
I’m very sorry for your loss. Will be praying for y’all ❤
Ellie
Thank you, Kaylee!
Lisa
I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 3 miscarriages, one before my daughter was born, and two after,Yes life begins at conception, and I know Our Heavenly Father is holding all our babies in His gentle arms. It is very emotional to go through, but God held me in His arms of comfort. Hugs, prayers and love to you and your family.
Ellie
Thank you, Lisa. It would be so difficult to have three miscarriages!
Amanda
Ellie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope your body heals as fast as it possibly can, and that you give yourself permission to grieve this loss however you need to.
Lots of love to you and your family.
Amanda
Ellie
Thank you for your kind words, Amanda.
Daisy
First of all, I think you’re lying. You haven’t had many good comments on your posts lately, and stirring up controversy about vaccination, BLM or wearing masks just isn’t working for you.
Second: If, and that is a big if, you are not lying, you already have a living child. You will never have to worry about being barren or childless for the rest of your life. Trying to be part of a group of people who have suffered loss after loss without ever having a living child, just for money (like you are doing) is sick. You should be ashamed of yourself. You have had a minor disappointment, I.e. not having a second meal ticket as soon after the first as you wanted. You missed an opportunity to get free stuff for a second time. Boohoo. You want to get attention for “losing a child” when you already have one.
There are women – like me – who have suffered loss after loss and you want sympathy? Fro me? Just for money. You wrote your post just for money. I have no sympathy for you.
Julie
The loss of a baby doesn’t lessen because you have a living child. You have perspective and cherish the living child, but the pain is very real. It’s not a minor disappoint, each life is unique and has value. You must know the value of life since you’ve had your own losses. I’m sorry you have experienced loss, I don’t think it justifies you lashing out in this way.
I think you should stop visiting this blog if you disagree with her beliefs to this extent. You got attention in the cruelest way possible. Accusing her of making up a miscarriage or using it to make money is despicable. If you’re so worried about her making money, just don’t come back.
Anonymous
All valid feelings of yours, Daisy, if that’s what you think and how you feel. Ellie probably doesn’t. Her blog, her choice. Your choice is to not read here and not give it the money clicks. Win-win.
Anonymous
Ellie, I’m so sorry for this comment. Please know that these things never crossed my mind, and I’m sure the same can be said the majority of your readers. I’m sorry this person felt the need to post this.
Anonymous
You’re an evil evil person, and quite honestly probably a troll who has never had a miscarriage. I don’t see how you could come onto this blog and lambast Ellie otherwise when she is going through a very traumatic experience that you supposedly have also been through. How dare you accuse another woman of faking a miscarriage for attention and money. Shame on you, I hope someday you grow out of being such a wicked person.
Mom of three
Daisy, I am so sorry for your loss. You are clearly experiencing some major bitterness concerning your miscarriages. May God forgive you and give you peace. Ellie, you are one gutsy woman for posting that comment. May God comfort and keep you during this difficult time.
Anonymous
Ellie, I am so sorry for this horribly mean comment from Daisy. While I do not agree with many of your world views, you do not deserve to be attacked in such an awful way. I am terribly sorry for your loss. Daisy, I am also very sorry for you. Clearly, you are in pain and feel the need to lash out at others. I hope you are able to get whatever help you need to heal the emotional wounds you have to have.
Ellyn
I will be praying for you Daisy. It sounds like you need many prayers.
Sending love your way.
Anonymous
I think you could use some counseling in order to help you deal with your loss and your struggles. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, that’s the beauty of all of us being different. Can you imagine if we were all the same?
anonymous
I don’t agree with the comment that Ellie is doing her posts just for money, because in a base way everyone does what they do for money. When people are children they are asked what do you want to be? And Ellie wanted to be a writer. So she has found one of today’s mediums to write on. Its turned out to be a popular blog and is hopefully a successful venture for her. It appears that Ellie is doing the traditional things, writing about what she knows about, being working wife with a home based business. That is being the classic Proverbs 31 lady. She’s probably hoping to show a double your money return and reach people around the globe. Earning enough to provide for herself and share sometimes too. Isn’t all that what people are instructed by the Bible to do? I think she’s a smart lady and a she’s challenging example!
Anonymous
Why come to the blog if you’re going to be a crazy troll. You’re not the type of person who needs to be raising children.
Anonymous
Why come to the blog if you’re going to call someone a name and insult them is another good question. Why was 12:16’s post allowed? Was that necessary for this conversation?
Anon
10:18 Was Daisy’s comment necessary? She called Ellie a name and insulted her. The whole conversation started because of an extremely cruel comment. I don’t know if 12:16’s comment was appropriate, but it fits the tone Daisy set. I’ll admit that I also questioned if Daisy was a troll because what she wrote was so unkind.
Diana
Ellie, forgive me being so forward but… please don’t bother posting comments like this. I don’t agree with everything you say but the hatred in this comment in 100% inappropriate and really detracts from your blog. It contributes nothing of value and only perpetuates hate.
Anon
Why of course Ellie will post the comment so the commenter can get the help she needs. By other people telling Daisy that they’re praying/caring for her can be a drawing to Daisy to turn her life around!
Tina, Greece
To Daisy:
First of all you made a negative assumption, that Ellie is lying.
Then, convinced that this assumption of yours is true, you went on to tell us how you are the feelings police and that obviously gives you the right to tell us what we aren’t allowed to feel.
You are bitter and I get it. You feel that she is luckier than you because she already has a child and you are childless.
You are probably one of those people who feel better with themselves, when others are more miserable than they are.
Let me tell you sth. Life doesn’t work this way. Be happy for people who are happy. Be sympathetic for people who suffer.
Her suffering won’t make your life better in any way.
I am really sorry for your losses but if you really wan a baby you can adopt one and be a mother! Or keep trying to conceive and build the family you dream of.
Just don’t be bitter. Not helpful for anyone.
Ellie, I hope you feel better day by day.
Anonymous
Rude!
MarriedUK
It is a truly beastly experience. I’ve had more than a handful (5+) but I have also got three gorgeous boys (7, 4 & 2). My boys are so wonderful that they’re worth the pain of the babies that weren’t babies. For me, it helped to think that the baby during early pregnancy is only a few cells and doesn’t feel pain prior to 12 weeks. I hope you’re not too sad and that Tiny Buddy will be along before you know it.
Ellie
Thank you for your well wishes, MarriedUK. It sounds like you have a wonderful family with your 3 boys, but five miscarriages does sound so difficult!
MarriedUK
I’ve been lucky that it hasn’t been that painful. The first was the worst as it was before I had any children at all. Look after yourself and give lil bud a load of snuggles!
anonymous
I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t know if there is a word to describe what happened to me. Twenty six years ago we did IVF which resulted in 4 viable embryos. The DRs implanted all 4 with a less than 1% chance of having one baby. We were told at our first ultrasound that I was pregnant with twins and that my body had absorbed the other 2 embryos. I know that 4 were conceived but only resulted in 2 beautiful girls but no one ever mentioned the word miscarriage. I still think and wonder about the other 2.
Ellie
Thank you for your sympathy. I’m so glad you have two beautiful girls, but I definitely understand still thinking about the other 2. That’s just a mama’s love for her babies, no matter now small.
Marni
I find it rude that someone will minimize your grief. Yes, others are going through terrible situations but a loss is a loss. I never had a miscarriage though I had my three babies in my thirties (mid- to late) so it was scarier for that risk of miscarriage. For my second, I had spotting and it was scary. Thankfully just a bit and it resolved itself after a couple of months and I was relieved to have gotten the baby’s heartbeat noted and once I past that first trimester but I was very worried. I had a toddler too who couldn’t yet walk and it was hard as I was not to carry him, or do too much- difficult when you have to take care of him and my parents lived 1- hours away. Give yourself all the time to heal give and take care of yourself and your body. Don’t rush into anything. One book I would highly recommend is Taking Charge of your Fertility. You might find it helpful to track your body through your cycle and see if there are any concerns mentioned that you have noticed. For many though it just happens and the fact you have one healthy little one is a great positive.
Ellie
Thanks for sharing your story and encouraging words, Marni. That’s a great book you recommended. I actually have it, although I haven’t read the whole thing. 🙂
Beth
I’m sorry for your loss Ellie. My sister had 2 miscarriages. She had a miscarriage with the first baby Second child was a boy was fine then the 3 child miscarriage . 4 child had a girl.
Ellie
Thank you, Beth. Wow that sounds difficult! It’s encouraging that she was still able to have two healthy children despite her miscarriages.
Anonymous
So sorry for your loss and for some of the awful comments here. It must be so hard to go through the experience and then on top of that receive such mean msgs. Thanks for sharing. Prayers for you and Mr. H during this difficult time.
Ellie
Thank you! And thank you for your prayers.
Ellie
Anonymous
Hi Ellie. You don’t need to post this comment if you don’t want to, but I wanted to send you some encouragement. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you’ve found strength and comfort in your faith. I admire that even in your grief, you chose to use the words “I believe” when you talked about your baby’s life and heaven. This shows you respect that some people have beliefs different than yours. I wish there were more people like you!
I had some thoughts about the unkind comment you received. First, this is your blog and you can write about what your choose, so no one should criticize you for choosing to write about this. Second, a miscarriage is without a doubt a loss and no one can deny that. Some people might categorize losses and think that for themselves, one type of loss is worse than another. But this blog post isn’t about anyone but you and for you and in your belief system, a miscarriage is a loss of a child and you are allowed to feel that way and to mourn that loss. So I hope you didn’t take that comment to heart. That person clearly is dealing with their own grief and lashed out at you.
I hope you continue to find comfort and peace. <3
Ellie
Thank you for your kind comment. I truly do appreciate it! Thank you for being a loyal reader. 🙂
Ellie
Tk
So sorry for you loss, Ellie! I to suffered from a miscarriage last summer, and even though I have gone on to have a beautiful baby boy since (he is 2 months now) that emptiness remains. I grieved that baby then and no matter how many you already have, (we had 4 children at that time)it still remains a loss. I hope you will find comfort, and that you will be able to receive strength to take care of your husband and son again, and that even though you don’t outwardly grieve this baby anymore, know that it’s not wrong to feel like you are still missing this baby no matter what anyone says to you. After my miscarriage people tried to comfort me by saying that this baby probably wouldn’t have been viable outside of the womb and that I would probably get pregnant very soon afterwards because for the rest I was a healthy woman, I found this didn’t comfort me and that it was the wrong thing to say while going through the loss of my baby( miscarried at 10 weeks). It would have helped more to just give me a hug and sympathize with me, and leave it for the rest. The person who said this to me had gone through a miscarriage herself and grieved deeply for a year afterwards and was never able to have any more after that, so it really surprised me that she said that. When I became pregnant again, even though I felt different, there was still a real fear that things would go wrong, and when he was born there was just do much joy and wonder that everything was well! We wish you all the best
Ellie
Your comment was very helpful, Tk. Thanks so much! And I’m so glad you were able to have a another healthy baby. 🙂
Ellie
Candi
Here’s to my sympathies Ellie and Mr H. So sorry to hear of your stressful time. I’ve went through 1 miscarriage so yes I know how it feels. So love and hugs to you and hope and pray you’ll feel better soon.
Ellie
Thank you, Candi. 🙂
Ellie
Elizabeth
I’m so sorry to hear of this Ellie
I’ve been blessed by your blog and Bates/Duggar sites for many many years. I particularly enjoy the recaps as we don’t have cable to watch the programs.
My prayers are with you and your family
Ellie
Thank you for your prayers, Elizabeth. I’m glad to have you as a longtime reader!
Ellie
Anonymous
The word implies fault. Maybe that intensifies the processes after because there’s a review of did I do everything I could do right with no errors?
Anonymous
So sorry for your loss Ellie. I lost a baby 2 years ago and had two chemical pregnancies 5 months after . I am blessed with 3 children . It was my 4th that I lost . I also struggle with being able to get pregnant for some reason after our 2nd. Still waiting for our rainbow baby. I know the sorrow is great for losing a baby at any week . But I also can’t imagine how someone would feel if they only had losses and no living children . It helped holding on to my toddler . The hard part for me is that they both were supposed to share a birthday month ( but 2 years apart ) . I still see kids that age and wonder what it would be like if he were still here . I know they would have loved each other so much . My oldest were very excited . It also made me think more about how special a fetus is . My baby was 12 weeks and looked nothing like a ball of cells . Our baby looked almost like a tiny baby . Those first few months are very hard , but today it’s not as bad. I tell my kids that one day we will see him in heaven . I know since you had a little one like me you can’t avoid the baby section at the store . That part was also hard for me . And when it got to my due date was another hard day.
I agree though , that it’s harder on the women . It doesn’t help with the hormones too. But I felt the pain , experienced the miscarriage and carried the baby . I didn’t feel movements yet , but I know he was moving . I read that same book and it’s really good . I think it’s great you shared your news . I know you aren’t trying to get attention . You want to help others who go through the same thing . It’s nice to know you aren’t alone and people are praying for you . Sadly miscarriages are very common . If I remember correctly it’s 1in 4 pregnancies .
Ellie
What a difficult situation. My heart goes out to you, and I pray that you will be able to have your rainbow baby soon.
Ellie
Netta
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope this strengthens your relationship to your husband and to God. May you get through it together.
Ellie
Thank you, Netta!
Shell
Ellie, I truly know your feelings as I just had a miscarriage on July 11. This was my first miscarriage and was our 8th precious child. I too have been crying lots and having so much confusion and heavy sorrow. I’m still having to check hormone levels. The pain is so deep; I can honestly say, I now know what it feels like. It is indescribable. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Shell
Please share the two books that you are reading. I just posted earlier and I think the books might help me with my loss too.
Ellie
I am so very sorry to hear that, Shell! I saw your other post. The book I just finished is “Safe in the Arms of God: Truth from Heaven about the Death of a Child” by John MacArthur. It was an incredible book. One of the best I’ve ever read, about any subject. I highly recommend it. A friend sent me “And Then You Were Gone: Restoring a Broken Heart after Pregnancy Loss” by Becky Avella. I haven’t looked at it yet, so I don’t know what it’s like.
Keep me updated on how you’re doing, and we can help each other get through this difficult time.
Ellie
Shell
Thank you, Ellie!
Iris
I’m so sorry for your loss, Ellie! I’ll pray for you. And thank you for sharing. I think sharing these experiences helps a lot. I don’t like that it used to be such a private grief. If people don’t know, they can’t help…
Of course it’s helpful to know that a pure soul is in heaven with Jesus. You mentioned some Bible verses which were helpful to you, would you mind sharing those?
Ellie
Thank you so much, Iris. 🙂 I would highly recommend the book “Safe in the Arms of God” by John MacArthur. It goes through a ton of Scripture and gives great explanations.
Ellie
Justine Kessner
OH Ellie, I have not been here for awhile, WOW, I never knew, and I am sorry about that. I am terrible at wording stuff like this, so all I can say is my heart goes out to U, and Mr Handsome!!!!!!!! Love U!!!!!
Anonymous
Sorry for your loss. Long ago I heard a pastor say that their will be no animals in heaven because animals don’t have a soul. He also said that when we get to heaven we won’t know our friends or relatives, everybody will be like strangers. Ellie, could you or Mr. Handsome comment for me.
Ellie
Thank you for your condolences. 🙂 We will definitely know our loved ones in heaven. Here’s a great article on the subject: https://www.gty.org/library/questions/QA100/will-we-recognize-and-be-reunited-with-our-loved-ones-in-heaven
Hope this helps!
Ellie