A story from Mr. Handsome…
Little Buddy’s favorite thing about one of our Bible studies is that the family that hosts it has scooters. We had finished studying, and it was getting dark, so I told Little Buddy that we had to put the scooters away and go home. He informed me that he did not want to leave and began making a scene, thoroughly embarrassing me in front of our friends.
As we were getting into the car, I told Little Buddy that it was not appropriate to say no to Daddy. I told him that when Daddy says it’s time to go, he needs to say yes. He responded, “I didn’t say no.”
“Yes you did,” I replied.
“No, Daddy. I said ‘I don’t want to go.’ I didn’t say ‘no.’”
So I thought back to the incident and realized that technically he had not said no. I couldn’t decide if I should be annoyed at him for being a smarty pants or proud at how intelligent he is for his age (not yet four years old). I’m starting to think that he’s already smarter than me, which I was hoping wouldn’t happen at least until his teenage years.
Anonymous
Little Buddy’s will keep ya’ll on your toes cause he’s going to find all the tiny loop holes. Good luck. My oldest son was just like that, weaving in and out of discussions. He would have made a great lawyer.
RS
It is so important for our children to be able to say no to us as their parents. Hearing their boundaries and respecting them will set them up to stand them with people who may want to miss-use them. You don’t need to give in, but acknowledge their ‘no’ in whatever form it comes. “I hear you don’t want to stop playing on the scooters. You really look forward to using them when we come here. It is still time to pack them away now and go home as it is late and getting dark.” both bounderies – yours and little buddies – are heard, reflected and respected and there is likely to be less of a” scene”, as you put it, in the future.
If you want more insight into this I would really recommend looking at our mama village. This is a Christian mum, psychologist and longtime family therapist who is all for setting loving boundaries but raising strong, assertive children.
Anne
Ha! Mine does the same thing! 😂 It’s so funny that they can communicate and understand so well.
Ann
Next time you have Bible Study. Get babysitter. Most parents don’t take their kids to bible study.Bible study isn’t for kids is for adults only
Ellie
It depends on the group, I would say. In our group, all the parents bring their kids. 🙂
Regina Shea
Actually when my daughters were little all the parents brought their children to Bible study. Children were always welcome.
Anonymous
Kids don’t want to leave when their having fun.. Were there other kids there playing with the scooters?
Amy
Yeah that happened 🙄
Bee
I mean, the kid has a point! He expressed his opinion on the situation, but did not defy orders. Kids are so funny and smart.
Anonymous
When my kids were little I was the mom who would prep the kids with a countdown. Will it always work- not likely but I think it helped prepare them that an end to play was coming. My oldest was smart and good with numbers- I would say 5 more minutes and we’ll be going, maybe 4 or 3 minutes and so forth, down to 1 more minute and we will be going. Kids need to be obedient but if we as adults were in the middle of a good story or having a snack and someone just interupted out “play” and made us come right away right at that second to go shopping or whatever we might not enjoy that either. Hopefully you wife would say to you, “can we head out in 10 mins or whatever so you are prepared. As adults we have schedules and know the clock and so we are less unprepared for changes.
MarriedUK
I try and give little guys really clear sign posts about timing. If I knew my son was loving a toy/ scooter/ activity, I would go and tell him, “in ten minutes, we have to go”. I would do another reminder at five minutes and again at two minutes. Then I would help him to transition out of his task: e.g. “Hey little Buddy, can you help me park up these scooters before we go.” And then I would leave with him.
Being a child is very difficult because you are totally at the whim of more powerful people (your parents). If you demand immediate obedience from little people, they sometimes cannot pull themselves away from activities. That’s why I would always support the transition.
I also validate feelings constantly (it’s exhausting…) So I would have said: “I know you don’t want to go home little Buddy, you’re having so much fun. But it’s time for us to go home because [our hosts] want to go to bed. But we can come back soon and the scooters will still be here!!”
My number one belief is that Children want to please!
Regina Shea
That’s a cute story. Your son is quite smart!
Anonymous
Smart is good but wisdom is another aspect. Maybe Mr Handsome is the smart one. He’s written the primal beginnings of excited feelings that are amazing taking charge! It’s a life long experience that is by no means always mastered by people and is underlying a lot of life.
Anonymous
Maybe watch those nanny shows and see how they come into the home and put children in order. I saw one where the nanny taught a harder tone of voice to use at times. I used to think parents I saw using this tone were not nice parents. Sometimes it’s about being the parent and other people around are bystander observers.
You are smart enough to be in the position of being your child’s parent.
Anonymous
Aside from projecting your role….try explaining beforehand the agenda. Have a plan the child likes, maybe something to look forward to after. And give a ten or five minute notice to wind down and be ready to go. But good old fashioned obedience is important to develop too!