And now, a blog post from Mr. Handsome…
Apparently throughout history, some of the most highly intelligent people in the world have struggled with difficult questions such as: Do I exist, does this chair I am sitting on exist, does the floor that the chair is sitting on exist, does the universe that the chair is in exist, is my mind controlled by some alien civilization in another universe, and of course my personal favorite, does the button at the crosswalk actually do anything, or is it just there for show.
For all those people looking for answers, you are in luck. Last night I woke up to a screaming Little Buddy and realized it was my turn to feed him, change his diaper, and beg him to please go back to sleep. While doing this, I thought it would be a great time to answer those philosophical questions.
“Why is there something rather than nothing?” I am really wondering the same thing. I mean, he filled his diaper just 90 minutes ago and has not eaten anything in between, but now there is definitely “something” rather than nothing in that diaper.
“Do we have free will?” This is an easy one to answer, and the answer is a resounding no! If I had free will, would I really be changing this diaper at 2:00 in the morning? I think not.
“Is there a higher power?” This is also easy to answer. The answer is yes……. that would be my wife. She made it very clear that it was my turn to change this diaper….and believe me, you do not disobey a sleep-deprived mother at 2:00 in the morning. When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. (Disclaimer, this is a joke, not meant to be blasphemous. The real higher power is God in heaven.)
“Does this chair exist?” The answer is no. Usually there is a small chair next to the baby bed. For some reason the chair has been moved, which I learned the hard way while trying to sit in it in the dark. The good news: the loud thud woke Little Buddy up fully, and now I can answer some more philosophy questions while trying to put him back to sleep.
“Does the poop that squirted out of the diaper and soiled Little Buddy’s clothes exist?” That question is a bit of a sore subject that I would rather not discuss.
“Do I exist?” Yes, and how do I know? Because I am now covered in the excrement from question number 5.
“Do numbers exist?” Yes, and this is diaper change number 4 for the night….not that I’m counting or anything.
“What is life?” I wouldn’t know. Anyone that has children has no life.
“What is death?” Death is what happens to someone who foolishly wakes Little Buddy.
“Is there life after death?” I would ask that question to my brother who is staying the night with us and decided 2:00am would be the perfect time to cook himself a little snack in the microwave, which woke up Little Buddy. He may know the answer to that question in a few minutes.
“Do the needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many?” Yes. Mommy and Daddy need sleep, time alone with each other, time to take a shower, a chance to just sit down for two seconds, a chance to brush their teeth, and psychological counseling. But the little guy needs his diaper changed, and his needs are more important than those of the many.
“What is time?” As I have stated before, the time is 2:00am.
“What is truth?” The truth of the matter is that this diaper will not change itself, so I might as well get to work and just finish the job.
“Who am I?” That is another easy one. I am the poor schmuck awake at 2:00am changing diapers and answering all of life’s difficult questions.”What is beauty?” Beauty is when your baby wakes up in the morning and smiles at you and makes his cute little “coo” sound. Beauty is when you pick up Little Buddy and sit on the bed next to your wife and watch the soft morning sun rays shine through the curtains and gently touch her face. Beauty is when you give her a good morning kiss and say you wouldn’t change your life for anything!