Another blog post from Mr. Handsome…
Little Buddy just crossed the six-week mark, so his immune system is strong enough to where we feel comfortable taking him out in public. What better place to begin than church? You know, train up a child in the way he should go sort of thing? What could go wrong?
Well for starters, Ellie and I suffer from a chronic condition that is scientifically known as Interval Arrival Malposition Syndrome.” Basically the interval of time at which we arrive at church tends to be about 10-15 minutes later than the interval of time everyone else arrives at church and starts the service.
Ellie has been asking some questions to try to understand the reason for this arrival malposition, which I think you will all agree are completely unhelpful. For example, a question she may ask is, “Mr. Handsome, why are you just now starting to cook a 4 course breakfast when we need to be leaving for church in 20 minutes?” Or “Mr. Handsome, why didn’t you move the wash that contains all your church clothes to the dryer last night?” Or “Mr. Handsome was it completely necessary to run the car out of gas last night?” I am sure you all see that these questions are completely unrelated and unhelpful for the diagnosis and treatment of Interval Arrival Malposition Syndrome.
I’m sure it will be a shock to you all, but having a child in no way helps cure Interval Arrival Malposition Syndrome, and in fact it can make it quite a bit worse. We’ll just say there were several dirty diapers, spitup on the new bed, lack of sleep from the night before, and a hungry baby to blame. Of course soiling a perfectly good outfit didn’t help matters either, but I suppose young men are known to make a mess. I mean how, can I be blamed for spilling maple syrup all over my shirt when the pancake was really at fault for not absorbing it well enough? Well anyway, long story short, our church starts service at 9:30am, and we arrived promptly at 11:15.
Thankfully, Sunday school starts at 11, so we jumped full throttle into the discussion. When I say we, I mean Little Buddy, who added various burps, belches, and crying sounds to help illustrate the depravity of man without Jesus. After a few minutes, Little Buddy was so moved by the lesson and became so overcome with emotion that I had to take him out into the hallway so he wouldn’t distract others with his crying. Crying soon led to screeching, and I discovered that the cause was in fact a dirty diaper. I thought, ‘Okay, no big deal, Daddy can take care of this,’ and I went into the men’s restroom to find a changing table.
Well, Ellie had pretty much figured out what was going on and came rushing into the men’s room to stop me from changing the diaper in the germ-filled sink. (For anyone concerned, Ellie made sure there was no one else in the men’s room, but we still got some strange looks coming out of the restroom together).
After this, we made our way back into Sunday school just in time for the closing prayer. The rest of the Sunday school class invited us to go out to lunch, and we excitedly agreed. Unfortunately, as we headed out the door, we realized it was time to feed the little guy, so we had to find a private room to nurse.
Thirty minutes later, and we were ready to leave for the restaurant, only to find out that everyone had already made it there and ordered their food. At that point, we decided it was wise to go home, before Little Buddy needed to eat again.
Since it was already 1:00, Ellie kindly asked if I could make it home without lunch, and I said I definitely could. But when we passed the mall and I started thinking about the delicious food court pepperoni pizza that I had had several months earlier, we had to turn around and go back. Surely you understand. All in all it was a pretty smooth first excursion out. There’s nothing like a relaxing Sunday at church.