Another blog post from Mr. Handsome…
Little Buddy just crossed the six-week mark, so his immune system is strong enough to where we feel comfortable taking him out in public. What better place to begin than church? You know, train up a child in the way he should go sort of thing? What could go wrong?
Well for starters, Ellie and I suffer from a chronic condition that is scientifically known as Interval Arrival Malposition Syndrome.” Basically the interval of time at which we arrive at church tends to be about 10-15 minutes later than the interval of time everyone else arrives at church and starts the service.
Ellie has been asking some questions to try to understand the reason for this arrival malposition, which I think you will all agree are completely unhelpful. For example, a question she may ask is, “Mr. Handsome, why are you just now starting to cook a 4 course breakfast when we need to be leaving for church in 20 minutes?” Or “Mr. Handsome, why didn’t you move the wash that contains all your church clothes to the dryer last night?” Or “Mr. Handsome was it completely necessary to run the car out of gas last night?” I am sure you all see that these questions are completely unrelated and unhelpful for the diagnosis and treatment of Interval Arrival Malposition Syndrome.
I’m sure it will be a shock to you all, but having a child in no way helps cure Interval Arrival Malposition Syndrome, and in fact it can make it quite a bit worse. We’ll just say there were several dirty diapers, spitup on the new bed, lack of sleep from the night before, and a hungry baby to blame. Of course soiling a perfectly good outfit didn’t help matters either, but I suppose young men are known to make a mess. I mean how, can I be blamed for spilling maple syrup all over my shirt when the pancake was really at fault for not absorbing it well enough? Well anyway, long story short, our church starts service at 9:30am, and we arrived promptly at 11:15.
Thankfully, Sunday school starts at 11, so we jumped full throttle into the discussion. When I say we, I mean Little Buddy, who added various burps, belches, and crying sounds to help illustrate the depravity of man without Jesus. After a few minutes, Little Buddy was so moved by the lesson and became so overcome with emotion that I had to take him out into the hallway so he wouldn’t distract others with his crying. Crying soon led to screeching, and I discovered that the cause was in fact a dirty diaper. I thought, ‘Okay, no big deal, Daddy can take care of this,’ and I went into the men’s restroom to find a changing table.
Well, Ellie had pretty much figured out what was going on and came rushing into the men’s room to stop me from changing the diaper in the germ-filled sink. (For anyone concerned, Ellie made sure there was no one else in the men’s room, but we still got some strange looks coming out of the restroom together).
After this, we made our way back into Sunday school just in time for the closing prayer. The rest of the Sunday school class invited us to go out to lunch, and we excitedly agreed. Unfortunately, as we headed out the door, we realized it was time to feed the little guy, so we had to find a private room to nurse.
Thirty minutes later, and we were ready to leave for the restaurant, only to find out that everyone had already made it there and ordered their food. At that point, we decided it was wise to go home, before Little Buddy needed to eat again.
Since it was already 1:00, Ellie kindly asked if I could make it home without lunch, and I said I definitely could. But when we passed the mall and I started thinking about the delicious food court pepperoni pizza that I had had several months earlier, we had to turn around and go back. Surely you understand. All in all it was a pretty smooth first excursion out. There’s nothing like a relaxing Sunday at church.
Anonymous
Welcome to parenthood! I wish I could say it gets any easier or better but unfortunately I cannot. Take it easy.
Anonymous
This is a cute post! I enjoy reading it, a lot… Jane
Justine
With many more relaxing sundays at church to come!!!
I got some good chuckles out of this. I can relate. Parenting Changes everything.
Diana
Hahahaha! So funny and relatable.
Benita
Mr. Handsome, I enjoyed reading your post! I am the type of person that likes to get to wherever at least 15 min. early. I was always grateful for the church nursery!
anonymous
Thanks Mr H. for sharing a cute story and my response is this: I’ll start to make a point with the old, well known definition of insanity….. that is doing the same thing in the same way and expecting different results…..what I am trying to say is this, you are going to HAVE to change this up somehow, or next week it’ll be the same story. (Or you can just become like the Duggars and say you three exist in your own time zone.)
Debbie Fisher
oh my goodness, this is hilarious! You need to write more. I love hearing from your viewpoint.
Sarah
😂 Great post, Mr. H! You brought back a lot of memories from when our kids were babies.
Candi
Hilarious! Enjoyed a good story! Yep, those babies tend to change our lives ,er, be the “bosses” for awhile 🤨😂 sorry about your day..how it turned out..but it made for a funny story! (Frustrating at the time wasn’t it? probably wasn’t funny till afterward) anyway, a good story to put in either his baby book or a place of “baby memories” 😁😍
Anonymous
Lol! I love this story! Life with babies is challenging but fun 🙂
Anonymous
Love Mr Handsomes humor!! Great Job Mr H!! I enjoyed your post.
Tanya
Mr.H you are hilarious. Love the way you write your posts! Keep up the good work! And yes, just letting you know, that time just keeps adding up with every new addition to the family 😉 As a mom of three under three, it’s almost an hour behind schedule always 🙂 I now have to set my mind to “be there an hour early” every time, just to make it in time for any occasion. #Lifewithtoddlers
Jessica
Funny, and very relatable story. We have 6 children and seem to suffer from the same condition. We used to always be late for church, but we are doing some better. Our youngest is 3 weeks old and he seems to need to nurse when it’s time to leave even though he was woken up way before it was actually time to leave. I think we are doing good to make it out of the house, so I’m not complaining.
I’d say it gets better once you get used to leaving the house, but even with a well planned schedule there’s no telling how outings will go.
Does your church have a church service and then Sunday School? Maybe I’m just tired and read it wrong. But if not, I’ve never heard of that.
Ellie
Yep, we do church and then Sunday school. 🙂
darlene
omg mr handsome, i couldnt stop laughing picturing everything!! ellie and her silly questions, lol! you have such a great sense of humor!
Michelle
This post brings back so many memories for me! Even though my child is only a few years past this stage, it’s so easy to forget how hard it was merely getting out of the house back then. What an entertaining account of your first outing together! With newborns, just surviving the preparation for an outing is exhausting, not to mentioned actually DOING anything. Such priceless memories! Things get hectic and difficult, but keeping a sense of humor helps so much. Things DO get easier with time, and by toddlerhood, a trip of a few hours becomes so much easier. Until then, please do continue to record your adventures with baby. We enjoy reading about them, and you’ll be surprised that you forget many of the little details like hectic first outings in a short time. What funny and sweet times for you three – God bless you!
KDavis
Hahah I loved this.
Such is life. We have two girls under two, and we’ve learned to wake up and start the getting ready routine three hours prior to when we need to leave. There is ALWAYS an outfit change, always someone who is hungry and often someone crying ( not always me).
My husband too is guilty of beginning to cook a large meal soon before we need to leave. Why? I ask why he didn’t eat sooner and he says he simply wasn’t hungry.
It only took me about a year to perfect, but we are early just about anywhere we go! And I refuse to go anywhere if we will be even a couple minutes late, so I applaud y’all!
Lindsey Gent
Haha! I always like to blame my children and husband when we are late, but somehow I also manage to be late when I go somewhere alone…ahem…
Anonymous
There’s nothing funny about being late and disrespecting others’ time.
Marie
Great post Mr. H! I guess we weren’t very careful parents. We had our 4th baby in Africa and she was to a village church service before she was 2 weeks old! She is fat and thriving at 21 months old and gets into LOTS of African dirt and germs so I guess it was ok anyways 🙂
Ellie
LOL! What part of Africa do you live in? Are you missionaries? I would love to hear about your time in Africa.
Marie
Yes we are missionaries in Malawi. A beautiful land and happy people! The warm heart of Africa it is called, for good reason. We have been here for 3 1/2 years and our term ends in 1 1/2 more years. It’s rewarding, working with our churches here but sometimes home life, as in America, sounds real nice and easy… But the Lord is faithful as He promised and helps us thru our low and discouraging times!
Ellie
Good for you for following the Lord wherever he leads! I would imagine that you would become very homesick at times, to be so far away from family and friends, but I have heard that Malawi is beautiful. A friend of mine has been on multiple mission trips there. She is a professional violin player and always brings her violin to play for the children that she serves.
Ellie
Kay
That was HILARIOUS! Thanks, I’ve got to show this to my husband too. Really cool also to hear from your husband’s perspective!
Abagail
I enjoyed reading about your trip to church. You have a good sense of humor.
Sarah Liston
Haha! Love the story!
Anonymous
Glad you guys finally made it out of the house. As a fellow new mum I know how tough it can be. The only thing I don’t understand is being late for church. I’m sure you make it to work on time and and that you made it to class on time when you were in school so how is it that you are regularly late for church when it is allegedly so important to you?
MarriedUK
Have some mercy. The first trip out of the house with a new baby isn’t easy for first time parents!!! I’m also pleased Mr. H is doing his share of nappies.*
It does get easier, particularly if mummy gets confident nursing in public. It can be discrete and it sets you free! I fed on a sampan in rural Vietnam just yesterday (I’m on holiday!).
*you call them diapers.
Ellie
Sounds like a fun trip! What is a sampan?
Ellie
MarriedUK
It’s a type of little boat!
Ellie
Neat! What other things have you done while there?
Frances
Best post ever!!
Every parent can relate!! XD
Anonymous
Loved the story, it was very entertaining! Congratulations, and welcome to the “perpetually frazzled, used-to-wear-fashionable-clothes-now-I-wear-spit-up, but I love my little bundle of joy” club! All the best.
anonymous
My favorite part was when Ellie ran into the men’s washroom to supervise the diaper change. And winding up having a good pizza was nice of you!
Anonymous
I can’t believe you started with a quote that is so closely related to Michael Pearl and his controversial “child training” methods.
Ellie
It’s actually not a quote. It’s a Bible verse from Proverbs, and it’s a very wise one. If you teach your children good morals and values from a young age, they will be more likely to stick to them as they get older.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
If you aren’t familiar with the phrase “train up a child,” another translation says “direct your children onto the right path.”
Ellie
Anonymous
Hilarious, i can relate! 3 kids further i can tell you it does get easier or you’ll get into it ir whatever. We are in time for church more or less every sunday.
Marilyn
It was a great post. Sounds like all of you had a great experience on baby’s first outing.
Joan,Marion and Marilyn
Anonymous
Why didn’t you leave the baby with a family member or sitter so you could actually enjoy church?
Ellie
For us, church is a family affair, and it is a joy for Mr. Handsome and me to bring our son with us. All the young couples in our Sunday school class were thrilled to meet him and loved having him in class.
Ellie
Amanda
I would have only left my baby with someone else under emergency circumstances when she was that young. I took her everywhere with me, and if she wasn’t welcomed somewhere, I felt that I wasn’t welcomed, either.
I bet you couldn’t wait to introduce your sweet boy to your church community. There is nothing I love more than meeting a new baby, and I’m sure they were thrilled to meet yours.
Ellie, I hope you are getting enough rest, and recovering well from giving birth.
Our lives and lifestyles are very different, and I am a generation removed from you, but I have appreciated and enjoyed your blog for years now, and hope you know how many people you touch through it.
It’s a joy to watch your family grow. Thank you for your willingness to share your experience, even with distant strangers.
Ellie
Thank you for your kind comment, Amanda. I am honored to have you as a reader. Have a wonderful day.
ELlie
Regina Shea
I can remember those days well Ellie. It was ” Hey, Mommy/ Daddy I just made a present in my diaper!” or “Was that pancakes with blueberry syrup I tasted in my milk and if so can I nurse some more?”
We were often late to church too but you will get the hang of it. Our church has service and then Sunday school too.
Amanda
I think you have the first rule of parenting already figured out-
Maintain your sense of humor at all times
It’s really hard to get out of the door with a new baby at first, but it will get easier, I promise.
I once drove five hours to help my friends leave the house with their new baby for the first time. They had tried twice, and hadn’t pulled it off, and my friend called me in tears. They are wonderful parents, but the new baby logistics overwhelmed them at first.
You two are doing great!
Anonymous
Are church just has a service. We don’t have Sunday school. Kids in grades 1-5 go to CDD (like a Sunday school ) on Tuesday or Wednesday night.6, 7-8 grade go on Sunday nights. I’m Catholic
Kari
This post was hilarious! Mr. H, I enjoyed your commentary. I remember many days while I was on mat leave that it was just easier to stay home! Now my daughter is 21 months old and we *mostly* make it to church on time (just in time, not a moment sooner). Just when I thought I had the logistics all sorted she started walking and then it was like starting from scratch, lol!